havent u heard of the joint concert by leo ku and miriam yeung, at the end of the month? if u really didnt, u must hiding under some tempurung-s?

i sort of like wanna go la. though no free tickets, i m forced willing to pay. the cheap ones of course. haha

so anyone wanna go?


from: http://www.galaxy.com.my/default02.htm

finally done with the post on music thingy. now , gonna continue with some updates.

woof woof... happy doggy new year everyone!

and, happy federal territory day everyone! * for those who live in kl*

wait... hey where's my angpow?

the last few days, visited my relatives, collected angpows * not much though...* and didnt balik kampung la. * no kampung how to balik leh?* however, it's really nice to see have all of them gathered together.

these few days ate too much, as a result, stomache la. but ah, i cant resist myself from eating, cause i have nothing else better to do. since most of my friends were busy or not in kl, so i have nobody to hang out with.

everyone is so busy. take pearly for example, who even tell me her schedule for the whole week. -_-". but, it's totally opposite here. i m bored to death.

but, starting work tmr. sigh. malas to work after so many days of holidays. haha.


p/s: toothache is killing me... sigh...but paracetamol works haha

let's talk about music...

after the recent rthk 10, the results of all 4 prestigious music awards in hk for 2005 are finally complete. much have been said by everyone, especially the fans.

metro radio hit? the organisers would make sure nobody walked home empty handed. so what happens to the value of the awards?

some deem that cr2 903 (chik chak)'s results is more accurate. it's actually based on the songs' airplay, which is in total control of the dj-s, so guess what happens if the dj-s favour certain singers or dislike the others?

as for tvb jade solid gold,those who take part in their production will certaintly secure an award, and eg, that was very crucial in top 10 songs and best male singer this year. tau khabar angin tu tak?

rthk top 10 suppose to be the fairest and most reliable one but well, we have no say over their decisions, dont we?

face it, it's quite impossible to please the fans of every singers. there wont be one music award that appear to be "fair" to everyone. as long as there's good music, that's pretty enough.

just a short short review ya...

quite happy with justin and janice emerged as the best newcomers. unanimous decision anyway. besides, their good man and big brother were a hit and good man even went into top 10 in rthk.eason has a successful comeback while leo ku had a great year. 4 songs from eason's u87 topped the charts while leo has a number of hits too, who doesnt heard of his 10 minutes medley- jade solid gold? on the other hand, denise ho and fiona sit seem to improve alot, by looking at their achievements. oh, joey yung and miriam yeung still unbeatable.

complete list of all 4 music awards maybe found in www.yesasia.com soon, i guess. perhaps, try look for it in chinese websites ya.

btw, i have my personal list of favourite songs in 2005. not all are the famous ones, award-winning- songs, some may not even heard of it, but for me, they are very meaningful.

- mandarin -

珊瑚海 coral reef – jay chou & lara
童話 fairy tale – michael wong
forever love – lee hom
天空 sky – jolin tsai
一千年以前 one thousand years later – lin jun jie
少年 teenage – michael wong & chao ge
愛錯 love wrongly – lee hom
偏見 – gigi leung
愛可以問誰 who can I ask about love? - hacken lee
曖昧 – rainie yang

- canto -

好人 good man – justin
ABC君 mr. abc – alex fong
自欺欺人 self deceiption- alex fong & theresa
大哥 big brother – janice wei lan
如無意外 if nothing goes wrong – denise ho
二等天使 second level angel – wilfred lau
無賴 rascal – ronald cheng
阿牛 – eason chen
天才與白痴 genius and idiot – leo ku
男孩像你 a guy like you – fiona sit
越唱越強 more singing more power – joey yung

p/s: i want ur comments on both lists...

dear readers,

"i will explain to u later. dun message me anymore. sorry. haih."

...

that's neither from me nor for u. that's actually the message i received from someone approximately a week ago. how did i feelings? need not to elaborate.i was shocked. i didnt know what i should do or how should i react?

he described me as "noi yau chin kuan". guess that suits him more than me.

i dont know whatever that reason that lead to his decision to cut off the friendship. i will never know, unless he is willing to clear up the pictures. but he refused, so i guess i will be in the dark, forever.

remember that night?
the time we talked bout our lives
the moment we shared our ups and downs
we reminisced about the past
recalling how wonderful life was
we tried to foresee our future
hoping to live the life we want

that night,
we knew both had a tough year
things just went wrong
i regretted of doing something
he made some mistakes too
life was so stressful
i almost give up
he is never the cheerful person he was

that night
we knew our common goal
i worked very hard
he put all his efforts
i know where i stand
he wished he could have done better
now,
we keep our fingers crossed
and wish one another good luck

that night,
he told me he's into music
i told him i like music too
singing is his passion
listening to him is my pleasure
one day, he shall be on the stage
and i will be his audience

that night,
we told one other about growing up
he told me his hopes
i told him my fears
very well, we understood
life's like that

and that night,
we never expect things to turn out this way
sometimes
dreams just never come true


is he my friend
is he my foe
i dont know, nobody knows either
i m seeking the answer
perhaps, only time will tell
he has his reasons
which i shall never know
for a broken friendship
one shouldnt stick to it, it's pointless
one shouldnt throw it away, it's heartless
at least, i know
for once, he was my friend
a friend that i nvr regret of knowing

to be frank, it never came across my mind to make u look bad. i really wish to express my feelings here and let u know what's in mind. perhaps, u could see things from my point of view.

why waste time and enery on friends like him? my friend told me. i cant hate him, something is holding me back.

what should i do?

***

one problem followed by another.

"i know u more than u think." u dont. dont perasan la.

to be fair enough, i understand u much more than u expect.

ppl around me, especially this person, claimed they know me well, yet, they always missunderstood what i said and pressume things. i dont blame him if he never expect me to be that complicated but he surely shouldnt think i'm that simple minded.

one time, he ignored me and all my messages went unreplied. the next thing, he treated me nicely and acted as if nothing happened. how dumb he is to think that i didnt realise all this? how fake some ppl can be?

him? i used to trust him alot and i guess, he wont get that anymore.

***

i'm sure most would hear of it- "sorry no cure"

now i finally understand its meaning when i relate it to my own experience. sometimes, there's no way to un-do one's mistake, take back one's action or words. face it. "it's ok"- that's just being polite.

there's no point telling the person how regretted u feel after doing it. when u had done a mistake, learn ur lessons.

this little thing called friendship is in fact a big big thing in my life. as gianne commented before, my life is full of drama and it's never quiet from conflicts and problems.

and that really bothers me.

did some last minute shopping with calvin yesterday. on and off between my workplace and practically running from my place to another. luckily both of us didnt buy alot, but unfortunately, we met a rude sales assistant.

received my 1st angpow from my boss. haha.

received 2 greetings cards from my friends. thx alot ya.

received lots of forwarded messages from friends whom i didnt contact for some time.

didnt hear much noise outside, even firecrackers. perhaps it's because of the news bout someone in the neighbourhood was arrested by police for some offence which i wasnt sure about.

i'm eating alot nowadays. just now, i ate 4 oranges and finished half of the cookies in the bottle, then i had stomachache.

anyway
happy chinese new year everyone
hopefully the year of dog brings more happiness

didnt write for the past few days. yeah something happened. life was like a roller coaster ride for me. surprises that made me almost speechless. unhappy incidents that made me felt life is almost pointless.

how fast things will change? very fast...

i can hate someone whom i used to love.
between love and hate, there's just one thin line.
i can despise someone whom i used to respect.
just found out someone doesnt deserve the respect i have for him all this while
i'm tired of someone whom i used to look forward to hang out with.
again, ppl do change, either me or that person.

***

change topic k?

i have good news. finally i met back foong seng, my junior in pasar road. the 1st conversation, through msn, after nearly 7++ years was so pleasant. i mean, i'm pretty glad that he still remember me after all these years.

something special.
me and him at pasar road.
our elder sis used to study at bbgs.
our younger sis used to study at dato abu bakar.
each of above pairs know each other. cool?
me, my elder sis, my younger sis are all older than him, his elder sis, his younger sis by one year respectively.
what a coincidence~

on monday, stacy, hanxian and amanda dropped by my place. the girls were doing their cny shopping and i joined them awhile during my break. 3 of them looked so happy and satisfied with their purchases.* shopping is girls'favourite hobby*

we saw a shirt with this: "god created adam and eve, not adam and steve", followed by some pics. get it? haha.too bad, cant take pic. if u wanna know the precise location of the shop, ask me ya.

before they went home, they dropped by again. well that time, we were sewing the pants, so it was kinda an eye-opener for them to see guys doing that. *well, we have to learn*

and yesterday, managed to convince my colleagues for a drink at pudu wai sik gai after work. not just 3 of us, ah onn (fei's fren) tagged along too.when he's around, u can ensure there wont be any dull moment. he has too many stories to keep u entertained. though the food wasnt that nice, i think i had an enjoyable time. and CY just loves steamboat. and u wont believe this. we bumped into the DIGI girl i mentioned last time. she's still as agressive as ever. err.. really never expect to see her there. perhaps that's faith.

thinking back, it's been a really long time i walk alongside the shops in majistic. miss the days when me and my friends used to lepak there. haha.

i really love the duet by jay and lara, coral reef (shan hu hai) so much. watch the mv before? if u had, u with agree with me, that lara is absolutely gorgeous~ haha. and when ezy video is airing that mv, it drew the crowd's attention. seriously.

unbelievable. eunice, the hairstylist in kimarie is so famous. ok, at first i found fei, who is her regular customer. then stacy told me her fringe was cut by her too and she accidently cut her own fingers. last time, when she was washing my hair, not only my hair got wet, my shirt too. haha. and foong seng was his customer too. wow~

oh, how's everyone preparation for cny? should be almost done. here, nothing is done. we havent clean the hse or buy any food,even mandarin oranges. as for me, i still havent shop for clothes. and i must remind myself to get at least one red t-shirt. and over the years, i normally wont wear all the clothes during cny, but when my relatives actually can recognise if it's an old one, i have no choice. there's one time one of my aunt actually notice that and said "wah, u wore this shirt last year, isnt it?". funny, even myself couldnt recall that.

and speaking of shopping for new year clothes, i always did that at the 11th hour. recent years, my partner was calvin.guess what happen when 2 very indecisive and 38 guys went to shop together. and i must admit, i enjoy his company, and our trip is usually a exhilarating one.haha. and when we met weird sales assistant, we had interesting stories to share with. the ones at romp would be a very good example. bet he still cant forget that nightmare?

guess what, this year, last minute shopping again. on saturday after 3pm to be precise. and we gotta rush back for reunion dinner. wow, no doubt, it's gonna be interesting. haha.

all this while i realise that i dont really have much friends. since i rarely socialize or meeting ppl, so i'm pretty much a loner most of the time.* being honest* and i thought, no, i was made to believe that i have at least few close friends. yet those who really stick with me through thick and thin is really few.

whenever i need someone to talk to, it really saddened me, to know there is absolutely nobody. ok i'm not really suprised, since i used to be a loner anyway. however, i put high hopes on my so-called-close friends, and what a letdown. this really makes me wonder where i stand?

perhaps i ought to be more understanding.
maybe it's really wrong timing. maybe they are just too busy.
or perhaps i should face the truth
maybe i'm just not worthwhile spending their precious time with.
i shouldnt assume and make them seem so bad
re-evaluate myself? i always do that.
nobody is perfect. to err is human.

since young, i was taught to avoid doing things which i didnt like others to do to me. well, i treat ppl the way i hope i will be treat by them.
i tend to think, if i'm nice to them, they'll be nice to me. something like newton law3?
the saying: a friend in need is a friend indeed. no doubt, difficult times are really good chances to see their true colors ie whether they really stand up for u or walk away just like that. that too, remind me that i must re-evaluate myself, my friends and the friendship.

from time to time, i need to see which way im going, what kind of ppl my friends turned into. certaintly, i dont blame them. ppl do change over time. i understand that very well.

it's unfair. whenever he needs my help, i'll be there for him, without a hesitation. however, whenever i need him, he'll be busy. just come up with tones of excuses, so that it wont make him look bad for not being able to accompany me.cool hor? i might seem irrational, but that's just how i feel.

"he" doesnt refer to just one in particular. "he" represents many type of ppl arnd us.

friendship involves give and take, from and to both sides. when it comes to a point where just one side giving, and the other one just receiving, something must have went wrong. selfish. that's how i would describe someone who always ask for favour from others while he himself never do anything in return.

and i understand, i cant be too calculative. but, who likes to know that one is being taken advantage of all the time?

saw this at someone's blog and it's damn true.
friends...we must learn to "exploit" them before they "exploit" us. frienship is merely a transaction between 2 ppl, so that they can make use of each other, in a "morally-legal" way.

face it, life's like that.

i love my friens. i appreciate our friendships. that's from the bottom of my heart.

there are times when i have nothing much to blog. yet, i still insist on blogging. like this one.

normally, CY (my colleague) will either dashes to the bus-stop or waits for his friend to finish work. however on monday and tuesday night, when he dragged me to sg wang. it may seems like both of us really know how to find a way to release work stress? eat all u can! we started with the fishballs at the extrance, sundae from mcd, bought some bread at kings, cookies at famous amos (damn, that's expensive!), then dropped by at vincci cause he has a friend working there. lastly, steamboat (the one at the roadside).

it has been quite awhile since the last time i have adequate hours of undisturbed sleep. that was tempting enough for me to ffk sang and friends for their cny shopping at 1U. indirectly, avoided from spending unnecessarily. seriously, i bet i would be few hundred bucks poorer if i actually joined them.

what i did on that day? slept and ate like a pig, but still can put on weight.*stop telling me to eat more.sigh* my original plan was to do the laundry and tidy up my room. as expected,the latter failed. well, my room is still in a mess.

as for yesterday, #1 toxic friend came over again. cut it short. this time he requested me to pass the punch card to his friend.*see, everytime he is up to something.* . as usual, he crapped some bullshits and bragged about himself again. to some extent, i really cant bear the level to toxicity anymore. that's even beyond the level of detoxification by the liver. and, it's worse than cyanide, in which it kills the person almost instantly. however, he would torture me and poison me slowly. *it seems like i still cant brush aside bio stuff*

get a life. stay away from him! perhaps that's what in the reader's mind. well, the situation isnt that critical till i need to cut off the friendship. no matter how much i dislike him for being so blunt and boastful, i find it hard to do that.

for those who often travels at night, beware of pickpockets and snatchtheft. in case u dont realise, they are active at night too. well, i dont want any of my friends becomes another victim. so try to be more observant and notice if something is wrong, ie suspicious person lingering around and keep calling someone with his/her hp.

errmm... i often go home late too but nothing bad happened so far. but after being reminded by a friend, i guess i'll be extra careful too.

knowing that there is someone else who concerns bout u is among the best thing that could happen to anyone, isnt? that friend made me understand that too.

there was one horrible girl from DIGI. intially, she approached me while i was on the way back from toilet and kept persuading me to get a simcard from her. that's fine. even i made it clear i wasnt interested, yet she followed me back to my workplace and started to bug 3of us. ok, even 3 of us cant "settle" one girl. erm fair enough to say she's aggresive and muka tebal too. in the end, we escaped from being her prey and guess what, she successfully persuaded forced the guy from next door to buy a simcard from her.

exhausted. it's has been a tiring day. sales was unexpectedly good today. almost 3000 bucks, what a record. that also implies that the amount of work i gotta do. worse, new stocks arrived and need to replace the faulty light bulbs. sometimes i will be shaking my legs waiting for time to pass by whereas other times, i dont even have time for a proper meal. sigh.

life's like that...

today is friday 13. if u are aware, it supposed to be an unlucky day. * superstitious me*

however, nothing went wrong today except that few of my friends acting in a weird manner. btw, my personal sales was actually good today, 700++.heard that new stocks are coming in tomorrow or sunday, so i expect alots of work to do.

#1 toxic friend dropped by my workplace today. crapped and bragged again. tired of him.

*looking into the mirror* the colour of my hair makes me look lala-ish la. sigh. dye-ing my hair was a mistake?

the girl in S&K changed her hairstyle too, re-perm her hair and has fringe. seem like everyone getting a new look for new year? while the other one, still using her strawbery clips. kinda cute actually.

and DIGI is back to terrorize the pathway again. this time, new but more aggresive team. so anyone is interested to get a new prepaid starter pack which costs only 8.50? haha.

yesterday

intially we(me, sang and fei-lou) planned going to the same salon but in the end, they chose kimarie while i did mine in spins. no la, not belot. * betrayal? not so serious la...*. since eunice (the one who did my hair last time and my colleague's as well) was off, edward (recommended by nick)was busy so i decided to give spins a try. besides, it was cheaper too.

when communicating with ur stylists, u can instruct them to cut ur hair as u want it but most of the time,*more or less* they dont. ur head is the best platform for them to express their "creativity". since they are the one holding scissors, they will convince u that they ll make good decisions. weird but true, u will believe in them until u see the outcome. for that, keep ur fingers crossed.

cut that. it suppose to be dark brown but turned out to be reddish brown instead. i wanted something not so obvious (cause my workplace stuff) but things turned out the other way.

disastrous.

no la, i just exaggerate. though it wasnt really what i want, i'm ok with it. it was still my 1st time coloring my hair anyway * finally my hair has been contaminated... haha*

waited for everyone to be ready before we crossed over to sg wang. on the way, we "sam pat" bout each other's haircut and colour.

had lunch with eunice at sg wang 6th floor again. the same meal too. chicken chop with black pepper souce and ice-lemon tea for 10 bucks. how boring i am. sigh.

was supposed to do new year shopping with them but ______ (we dumped them/ got ditched)

dropped by at zai's shop. while they continued their stories, i browsed around. bought one t-shirt. nice.

next, went into few nearby shops. same case as jack. if i wasnt mistaken, in spd 70 where i saw a pair of pants that i like so much but my size was out of stock. omg, can u imagine me wearing a size 34 pants? haha.

browsed stuff at other shops but didnt buy anything. moreover, we didnt have much time. and i m still looking for some accesories.

again, we bumped into lz hoe while in parkson. ajak2 ayam again. sigh. since i know him well, i didnt take his words seriously either.

headed back to times square and went to spd 70 there to see if that pair of pants is available there. to my disappointment, no it wasnt. the guy then asked me to try some of the new arrival and i picked one that i like. he managed to convince me to get some t shirts that go with the pants too * customer yg senang terpedaya dgn helah penjual *

err, why am i making him seem so bad? he gave me lots of advice and updates. just one thing, i wish he could give me discount instead.

if u are wearing popular sizes, it's advisable dont do ur shopping last minutes. they will run out of stock. if u are wearing extreme sizes, that depends on ur luck. small sizes are popular too leaving most shops with extreme large sizes ie 36, 37 and so on.

both of us had no idea where to eat so i brought her to the malay stall nearby the lrt station. hmm... i miss malay cooking ie those i used to eat at school. i realise it's been a long time i didnt catch the news on tv.

new haircut+ haircolor+3 shirts+ 1 pants => a big hole in my pocket.

it's clear. spending money is much easier than earning it. as for me, i spent 1/3 of my salary.

***
any nice songs released recently? i have missed the myfm and 988 charts for almost 2 months. so i am kinda outdated.

currently i m obsessed with leehom's kiss goodbye.

***
i'm tired.

whenever there is "special occasions" * with them*, i m always the one who arrange everything. from planning, inquiring, till setting meeting time and place.
i'm the one who gotta go around and survey for the prices. i even gotta bring them to doorstep of the salon and did all the talking. sigh.

actually i dont mind doing extra. just that sometimes they like to change things ie postpone, change plan without really asking whether i'm ok with it. at last, screwed up everything. worse, all my sub-plans ie sing k, lunch together, were rejected just like that. sigh

***

it's clear now. he brags about himself. he finds me when he needs my help. kinda sarcastic at times too. in short, just another toxic friend, right after i see his true colour.

well, if that happens last time, i would definitely confront him, telling him how saddened i was and i would wish things will be better.

now, i wont do that. total waste of time and energy. though he was being degraded * in terms of friendship, from my point of view*, he's still a "hi-bye"friend.

***

i really despise someone who act as if he/she is very saintly. bermoral la kononnya. talk alot. but all just bullshit. making oneself appear to be angelic is so fake, especially when u know he/she isnt.

i aint that innocent and stupid to trust u. just that if u feel that u are right all the time, u do what u want la. none of my bussiness. just try not to act holy, u dont even have ethics either.

tired of u.

before it's too late (it's very late obviously), let me wish happy birthday to wai chung.

happy birthday to u
happy birthday to u
happy BELATED birthday to wc
happy birthday to u.

in his reply "sudah tua lo 2 keping". haha. he's among the first to hit the big 2-0. soon, it will be everyone's turn. assuming we will live up to 100 years old, we have gone through one fifth of our life~

jack popped out while his favourite "big bro" by janice was being played. what a coincidence~
and finally i got my 3rd christmas present, though it's damn late as well. *a-hem a-hem*. thank you very much ya.

again i unexpectedly met suei-keat(primary school friend) in the lrt. it's really nice to catch up with him after so long.

oh didnt have the chance to catch a glimpse of neither SHE nor daniel. what i saw was only SHE fans possing in front of the big poster at S&K. haha.

and there were 2 ladies, from china i pressume * cause of their slang* came into the shop to promote some cleansing product and forced us to try it. what more amusing was a staff from S&K came in to change money.* wrong timing...* and she was dragged into the water as well. tak pasal-pasal kena pulak.pity her~

the other day i mentioned about my frens who got attached. it evoked everyone's curiosity and asking me to reveal their identity. sorry,i cant.

firstly, i dont mean to show off as if i'm the 1st to know everything *if someone actually feels i m behaving in such manner*. and of course, when i knew it by accident, i dont intend to spread it. yeah, if i can choose i would choose not to know it, or at least be the last to know.

and if i did, it might cost me the friendship. i had enought of that. till now, i still unable to forget form1's nightmare. regardless of whether i m guilty or not, i m always to one to be blamed since my reputation already spoilt? worse, i hate to see everyone pointing fingers at me even i didnt do it.

now, i really doubt if it was my mistake to post about them. why i did that? my blog is where i write bout my feelings. and i just wanted to describe how shocked i was. d

nah, i didnt tell anyone. dont wanna get myself into trouble. if i dont tell u it doesnt mean i dont appreciate our friendship. i suppose friendship involves respect for each other isnt? and remember the shh-dont-tell-anyone-and-the-next-day-everyone knows-it thingy? it's horrible to find out that gossip actually travels faster than light.

so hope u guys understand.let say someone told u a secret, of course he/she doesnt want u to spread it isnt?the same goes for u hate to know someone u trusted break his/her promise rite?

***

the other day i changed my nickname to "i lost hope on everything". it sounds as if i exaggerated a little. yes i did. but i was really upset that time. by people i called them "my friends".

life is full of ups and downs. need not to remind me of that.

recently i began to notice some friends in the list were actually toxic friends. take one example. for heaven's sake, u didnt chat with me for ages and suddenly greeted me * i appreciate that* and acted as if we know each other well * that is still acceptable*. come on, it's so fake but that's ok. then she began to critize this critize that. oh, please, didnt ur mum remind u to be polite to someone u are not really close to? pissed off. seriously.

ok. now u know i get mad easily.

speaking of toxic friends. now onli i realise i have plenty of them. now i realise why i have mood swings everytime i chat with them. now i understand why i feel so uneasy right after the conversation ended. they just lower my morale. ntg but just critize. i thought they were giving constructive opinions but now i realise, they are just destructive.
how stupid i was all this while.

and i found out that most tend pick me as the last choice to chat with. honestly i hate that. when u have ppl to chat with, u would rather ignore my msg and didnt even bother to inform me u were busy. and when u have nobody to chat with, u would find me, come on, it was pretty obvious. from the speed of u replying msg, ur tone of speaking and so on, *i dont know how to explain but* i can sense it. no, i dont refer to just a particular person, few actually.

i just hate being the last choice.nobody likes that either i guess? there's this friend of mine whom i tried to keep in touch with for the whole last year. whenever i asked him out, he would give me excuses. sms is always unreplied. occasionally he would. lately, i bumped into him quite often and he is always in a hurry. even if we had a chance to chat, it was never an enjoyable one. another toxic friend i pressume.

now that he has started working, he looked for me to have lunch together. without fail, he would phone me and ask if i m free to teman him.coincidently, i wasnt free for the last 2 days. yesterday i avoided his phoned call and he called me 3 times till he got through me. see, when he needs me, he will do whatever it takes and when he doesnt,... he didnt even bother to reply my sms. oh, u want such friend?

actually, i felt bad for avoiding him. yet i cant tell him "hey dont be so selfish". moreover he came all the way from his workplace to mine. so i just accompanied him le. didnt u guys know eating alone when everyone else gelak ketawa with their friends is a sad case? as i expected, we werent in the wavelength anymore. ok cut that. at least he's still a friend. besides, i'm used to being used all this while.

***

sry for the rantings above. i wont hide- i'm not a happy-go-lucky person, u know that dont u?

now i am really tired. nitez everyone.

yesterday...

pity pearly, i was late to meet up with her at the education fair. right after i got down from the bus, bumped into wen cheong and man yit. both of them were leaving and i just arrived.

the conference room was very packed and crowded. didnt expect so many turned up for the talk on biotech. finally i saw pearly among the crowd and ai wen was just in front of us.

wandered around aimlessly. forced to take the pamplets from almost every booth. yes, i can say no but err... tak sampai hati say no to pretty girls ma. what a good tactic,hire pretty girls to give away pamplets~actually wanted to find out more on the courses at certain booth but it was either they were too busy to layan me or just some ke leh feh gave me some unsatisfactory answers.

its kinda ironic to see some colleges' booth crowded while some just empty and the staff there just goyang kaki. me and pearly purposely went back for the 2nd round to look for one particular booth and what a dissappointment. mind u, it was supposed to be one of the most prestigious uni in the country though it falled from its ranking.*u know which uni i mean rite?*

the brochures about were thrown all over on the table. there was an indian lady, i assume she is just a part timer, cause she answered "dunno dunno..."to almost every questions asked to her.

why dont she just a hang a tag written with big "dont ask me. i dont know anything"? come on, i know most of them hire some part time but at least give them some training or place an officer there. i m sure there are many parents who would enquire more.

another one was the scholarship's booth. there was one lady sitting on a table. i asked her if the forms are free and she nodded. so i took one and was about to leave before pearly reminded me to take another for her.
in a sarcastic manner, she asked "what u gonna do with it?"
i was puzzled. *as if i can sell the form?*
i answered "i'm gonna apply"
she again asked "what course?"
i havent actually look up the whole list and wasnt sure about the particulars
so i told her "perhaps biotech..."
again, she questioned me "what are the details? izzit 2+ 1 or 3+0 or...?"i i sensed something is wrong.
but i was kinda blur until pearly whispered to me
"so teruk. she looked down on us..."
then onli i was aware of the situation.
but i didnt threw words at her though i was kinda mad at her for being so sarcastic?
perhaps i'm aint that excellent to get a scholarship but ...
perhaps i dont even look like someone who is actually literate?
nvm, i'm used to it
honestly, i've met some worse ppl. some asked if i passed my bm ( of course, he never listen to my bm before asking me that). others were in disbelief when i told them my spm results.
i guess one really shouldnt judge a book by its cover. isnt?

after that pearly's parents took part in a quiz. from there only i know that spongbob lives in a place called bikini bottom. fyi, all got it wrong except us. u shud see the others reaction. even if i gotta guess the answer, i would cancel out bikini bottom straight away. haha

did i mention i met some friends over there- mei chern, ai wen, rowena, siew wai. really nice to catch up with them after so long.

was tired so decided not to stay for the last talk. took lrt home. i've made a record. i didnt online last night. haha.

and today...

at last, i've worked for a month, officially. now, i have a reason to celebrate. we received our pay too. double joy? had pizza from domino for dinner, while working till it actually caught passerby's attention. we wouldnt mind anyway. oh,luckily we get along quite well and kinda happy working along them.

customer is always right. but, till now, i still dare not to make a scene while shopping. first of all, we were closed, but technically havent, cause i left another door half-opened. we welcomed them and let them have their sweet time browsing for clothes. then he tried plenty and gave us an impression he will buy all. finally, i made up his mind on a particular shirt. too bad, there was only one left (his size) but that was for display. he didnt like to hear that. he demanded for discount or we paid him for dry cleaning. hmm...i can understand if he didnt like the display one but i never thought he would request us to take it for dry cleaning or paying him for that.

litte reminder, be considerate abit. dont rush into the shop knowing they have closed or closing. and if u ended up didnt buy anything, definitely u will annoy them.

right now, i'm watching this hits award 2004 on astro. there was one part where joey didnt pay attention on which of her songs got an award.

it's well known that this particular station gave away awards to almost everyone. so everyone who attended it ended up with at least one award. overall, it's still nice to catch their performances.

and i still have plenty of stuff to blog. kinda sleepy le.

part2: the year that was 2005

this is absolutely late, but better late than never, isnt?

dont know where i should begin. let me see. how bout the theme of 2005 ie STPM? ranked world 3rd hardest exam (not sure abt that anyway) and so on, we've heard it all. together with the element of uncertaintly (abt the entry to local u), it's cleat that there isnt any shortcut to success.

i withnessed it with my own eyes: some of my friends became so discouraged to the point that they almost gave up. some burnt midnite oils. some filled their weekendswith tuition classes. some just shaketheir legs and hope to get a pass. now? keep our fingers crossed that hard work pays off.

* take a deep breath* finally i've finished my pre-U studies. i deserve some rest now, even i screwed up my exam.

my laptop- i guess that would be the best present i ever receive not only in 2005, but in my whole life. along with streamyx and the wireless router, i can online from my room, with no disturbance and complete privacy. i'm truly grateful.

for the 1st time in my life, i attended this award show hosted by 988. fyi, the next one (in malaysia) will take place 7 years from now, it was something not to be missed, and i have an excuse to put aside my books though trial exam was just next week. waichung and i enjoyed ourselves very much. watching live performances was really different. upclose with artists is another.

it was the same year my elder sis left for australia to pursuit her studies. guess my younger sis who shared the room with her felt her absence. somehow, later all of us got used to it. that actually opened a better communication way between me and my sis with her. at least we have stories to share when we met in msn.

the most controversial issue- friendship. before that, i'm proud to say that i did widen my social network and meet new people. from nobody, till they became someone i call buddy. it's really nice that we can meet someone who will change ur life 180 degrees. whether it's from good to bad or vice versa, that's another story.

i've learnt to trust and have faith in people around me. in the same time, certain incidents that took place made me realise i must set a limit for everything too. there's a line that one mustnt cross. that's include how much trust i can put in someone, how far can i rely on someone, and so on.

2004 showed me that at certain circumstances, enemies too can be friends again. in 2005, i start to believe that it's possible to get closer to ex-enemies. friendship is something not static, humans change from time to time. things came as a surprise to me when i became close to people whom i once deemed would never had a decent conversation with.

besides, i managed to keep in touch with most ppl i knew last year though we rarely have chance to meet each other. yeah, turning aquaintances into friends.

made some great friends from the net. now they became my friends in real life. * u know who u r?* and who was it who says everyone in the virtual world are fake? though i cant deny that there's actually some. but count myself lucky to have them as my friends.

life in school is much akin a huge stage for human drama. let's not hide anything anymore. everyone realise there's politics in class, except for few, who still being so naive and innocent. i dont want to mention names, some really gets on my nerves. some were just merely pretending and decluding people around him/her. face it~this is life. one should have expect this kind of thingy when so many different types of people were put together in a class. my class is a very good example.

forgive and forget.


"i love u" mean alot than just the 3 words. smsing and telling each other how much one thinks and miss of another isnt enough. it includes being able to accept who the other person is, accept each other's weakness, respect each other's decision and opinion, being tolerant, spend time with each other and etc. thus, think twice before saying it and make sure it's from the bottom of ur heart.

i've learnt to love someone. i got love from someone too. i cant say much, as it goes in leehom's ai chuo, i never love anyone before, that's y i love wrongly. complicated? i guess so. btw most of my close friends found their loved one last year. perhaps a good year for them?

some tragic events occured last year. to my friends, losing the love one aint easy to deal with. i've learnt to understand their feelings as well as play my part as a friend, eventhough that's include being silent and let them be alone. one thing for sure, i'm always there for them if they need me.

as for me,god was kind to put me in situations where i gotta deal with so many types of different ppl. that really test my patience but that actually something good cause it taught me to be independent and adapt to different surroundings.

between 2004 and 2005? 2004 is incomparable. perhaps 2006 would be a better year? well, we gotta wait and see.

part1: new year resolutions

things that i must accomplish in 2006...hopefully la

1. gain more mass(the accurate science term...). must exceed 60 kg by the end of this year. ok 55 would be a more realistic figure.
2. improve my command of english. too much grammatical erros in the entries. by having wider vocab, definitely i can express myself better.
3. learn mandarin. so that ppl cant call me banana anymore. so that i understand lyrics more.
4. earn more money. money is not everything but without money, u wont have anything. be realistic. then i can shop till i drop.
5. get myself at least one of the gadgets: mp3 player, camera, new handphone.which boys dont like gadgets?
6. further my tertiary studies. get a place in a uni and study the course i like. without a degree, how far can i go?
7. widen my circle of friends. i'm too anti social all this while. it's great knowing ppl from all walks of life.
8. appreciate friends who are truly sincere to me. spend more time together. and farewell to those backstabbers, liars, hyprocrites. hate them.
9. think in a less complicated way. in many ways, simple means better.
10. work out all the 9 things i have planned.

in short, live life to the fullest.

finally, i have some freetime for my stuff. will try to finish the entry on summary bout 2005 soon.

imost of my friends know maths is among my least favourite subject. since 2 years ago, i realise that statistics is a such a big problem for me though algebra is more confusing

*the teacher whose name when spelled from forward and backward results in the same name*. no la, i dont blame the teacher, though her lessons are kinda boring, that's why most skipped her class, too be frank.a-hem. discrete and continuous probability drives me crazy. probability is the worst. i even messed up simple questions, such as on mean and standard deviation.

all this while i need to worry bout the sales but now, paper work, ie counting and filling the stock books really bother me. it never come across my mind that statistic will return to haunt me, at least for the time being.

it was actually an easy task. counting, as in 1,2,3, ... yeah just like what we learnt in kindergarden somehow, when the stuff u need to count is in a large amount, that's when the problems arise. come on, how susah it can be? count onli ma? i thought in that way too but it didnt turn out that way.

one example: total number of shirts on a shelf.one at first round, i wrote down 47. then my colleague said there was 46. the other one said 43. that one confirm salah geh la. so need to recount again and again. and it's funny when each gave me different answers.

then we need to be more specific ie for each designs we need to count how many are displayed and stored, including the sizes. and repeat that for long sleeve shirts, short sleeve shirts, shoes and everything in the shop. so troublesome. the list was not the latest one. so need to draw lines with fill in the codes and...

practically we turned the shop upside down. messed up everything in the shop.
almost done. just need to sum up everything. then can pass up the report.

p/s: number of words in this post? err... dont make me count anymore le. haha

"dont give me a shock telling me that..." quote from mr muru.

my friend just gave me yesterday. yes, i was truly shocked. i was at loss of words. they know better my facial experession. if that was his their intention, hey u succeed~

well one of my friend now is attached another girl from another class. guess what~ i couldnt believe it with my own eyes.

it's just another examples of 2 people who seem very different and unlikely to get become couples ended up in a relationship. anyway this wasnt the first time. as the saying goes "love is blind" *u guys know better rite?*

let me count, more and more people around me got attached. yeah yeah, me still single and available * nobody wants me. sigh* i believe, in few months time, everyone will be busy dating ánd i'll be mr.lonely

and i withnessed with my own eyes, people do change when they are in a relationship. i understand they tend to spend more time with gf/bf but not to the extend lan c at friends? aiks...

school reopened today. haha. this would be the first time i need not worry about it. yeah, goodbye to school life-uniforms, perhimpunan, latihan sukan, spot check. forever. i admit school life was a nightmare for me.

wait and see. perhaps i might say how much i miss school life in the future. who knows ?

continuation of yesterday's

everything was fine at workplace. no weird or difficult customers. sales was ok.
no arguements. we kinda get along well. had popcorn. had chicken floss bread. shared stories. chit chat non-stop.

second time withdrawed money from ATM. the amount increases arithmetically and decreases geometrically.sakit hati betul la. i guess most will understand or else u will be giving mr.muru a shock!

watched the highly anticipated 903 radio awards just now. was actually chatting with kawai while watching. it was more like commenting on a live show ( though the one showed on astro was a delayed one)

the top10 songs were a little disappointing. out of the 10 songs, there are few which i deemed shouldnt be included in the list.

eason chen has 4 hits last year. he had the chance to only sing 3 songs and the one i liked the most (ah ngau) he left out. *sigh*

but luckily janice and justin performed "big brother" and "good man"respectively. among my favourites and for me, both songs have special meaning.

was rather shocked that joey only ended up with one award. personally i felt she had few hits this year. face it- awards show are always like that.

i wished the last day of 2005 would be a wonderful and unforgettable one. well looking at how things turned out, it was quite fun, but was far from wonderful and very unforgettable. fyi, my brain has higher affinity to bitter experiences than sweet memories.

31/12/2005 was the last day for one of my colleagues- alex. he will continue his upper six and wish him all the best. had mcdonald as farewell snacks, while working. *shh...dont tell boss*

since eunice and raven was around, invited them to go countdown together. by 9.30 the lines were jammed. hard to make phone calls but managed to phone up eunice and sang bout where to meet. if i really lost contact with them, i guess i would have headed home straight away.

found eunice and raven by chances. then we took a walk around bkt bintang, from times square to sg wang, then lot 10, parking lots, bb plaza, low yat then back to times square. everyone was in the mood for new year's celebration. people selling sprays, people buying sprays, police confiscating sprays- i withnessed it all. haha

headed to 7eleven near the monorail station to wait for keat and friends. i thought it would be better to walked in big group. that's when i got so pissed off. 1st they promised to be there around 11.00pm but they didnt show up till 11.40 pm. i guess everyone will understand when i mention how hard to get through whne the lines were jammed. 2ndly, i called arthur and was told keat and sang havent come back from dunno where. i was like "wtf, where they go? ady late still lepak tak tentu pasal?". i have no choice but continue to wait, like fools waiting for money to drop from the sky. pity eunice and raven. felt so bad for making them to wait. i still tried to call them and lastly i managed to get through sang aroud 11.45pm.

me: hey where ru? why havent arrive?
he: in front of ktv
me: what?!?!
he: where u go? told u to wait there
me: *frustrated* still there la
he: we walked past 7eleven and didnt see u.
me: i was there since 11.00pm
he: we waited u for so long
me: *speechless*
he: faster come la. u know d route from monorail station ...walk straight
me: where, exactly?
he: ktv

i had no time to repeat the whole conversation to eunice and raven. just use one word to describe them "idiotic" frens. was very angry at that time.
it was just a missunderstanding, but alot of stuff that i was really confused.
perhaps we lost contact as a result of the jammed lines.
perhaps it was my fault for not standing in front of 7eleven.
but they have around 7 to 8 ppl in the group
why cant they send 2 or 3 to look for us? look around 7eleven.
now it seemed like i was guilty for letting them to wait for me.
shit. i was really pissed off.
i tried to get a clearer picture of everything but err... no i didnt get

saw policemen confiscated sprays. means countdown without sprays. what a letdown. hmm... alas reached the middle just in time to watch the fireworks. wow. what a amazing sight? yeah that time kena sprayed by the crowd la.

after that, i realised we got separated. that left us no choice but to walk alone. we made our way against the flow of people coming from lot 10. it wasnt easy. being pushed from all directions. arghh... stopped for awhile to watch nicteo's performances.

later continued our journey. withnessed a guy beaten by other guys. dont ask me what's the cause? i dont know. what i know is that he was injured, he was bleeding. what a terrible experience for him.

took some pictures but wasnt nice so i decided not to post them up. next time la.

then we walked till in front of starhill. wasnt really keen on joining them clubbing. besides i need to work the next day. so i bid goodbye to them and walked back.

while walking past times square, bumped into kok hong and friends. oh i forgot to mention i bumped into pearly earlier, in times square. stayed awhile chatting with him. then, i was shocked to see soon leong and friends. didnt expect our head prefect to be there ma. haha

i guess i m pretty sure bout something. i hate being alone. the experience was exactly the same as christmas eve. walking alone from lot 10 to hang tuah and gotta rish being sprayed. surely nobody likes that isnt?

took lrt home. reached home aroud 2pm. had my dinner, bathed, on9 then sleep.

i guess i made it clear in my msn nick: what a bad beginning for a brand new year.

despite that, i still expect a lot from 2006. hopes and fears. just keep my fingers crossed things will turn out fine this time.

still 2005 left behind too many memories and right now i dont have much time to write it all. dont worry, ill summarize in in few entries and force everyone to read. haha

p/s: well i thought of deleting the part on the missunderstandings but what's the point of doing so? i dont make them look bad and i just tell things from my point of view.