Flashback #3: Gruelling Haluansiswa

Finally, I made the decision to accept the offer to read science in UM.

Where should I begin with? The first day was much akin a nightmare for me. Upon arrival at the college (hostel), I was stunned or rather upset by its condition- old, dirty, gloomy.Totally an uncomfortable and not condusive environment for studying. I didn't like it at all and how I wished that I could leave immediately. Which freshie didn't?

Another thing was the stern-looking seniors or pembantu mahasiswa (PM) to be precise. None of them looked friendly or as Calvin said, they purposely put up a cool face?

After cleaning the room and unpacking my things, Shenyang came over. Then, we had our very first lunch together in the dewan makan. Fried ricwe with chicken, not bad, I thought. FYI, we are charged RM10 per day, a difference of RM3.50 compared to other hostels as meals are provided, 3 times a day. So this should give u an impression of how the food is.

The haluansiswa (orientation) kicked off with the PMs introducing themselves and reminding us how great it was to enter UM (that was before its #1 uni in Malaysia status took over by UKM). We were given a polo tee and a tee which we wore for the whole week, without being washed!

On average I only slept for less than 3 hours everyday. Our timetables were packed with activities. No free time for suka-suka or tak buat apa-apa. Some ended as late as 12.00 a.m. Plus the time to gather everyone and walked back to hostel, together,then, waited for everyone to settle down took at least 1 hour. After that, the PM will either nag or scold us. That took away another 1 hour. Cheer practices took another 1-2 hours. What's left for us? And we needed to wake up and gathered as early as 6 am after that for senaman pagi.

During meal time, we were ordered to eat with our hands, no fork and spoon! Big trouble for me since I'm not used to that. I have no choice but to skip the first few meals and ate biscuits instead. Besides, sardin and kubis masak ikan bilis (yg tak masak) werent that appetizing anyway.

We had to attend numerous talk, speeches, sesi bersama tetamu khas, from the one by our own pengetua kolej kediaman till by some ministers, with their pidato-s. Well, imagine that you was so sleepy and it was so comfortable inside the DTC, yet you can't do so, either risking the fact that you might be on air and watched by everyone scolded by the PMs. The rest were chit chatting or sms-ing, some wondering "bila lah dia nak berhenti ni?".

Filling PTPTN form session was the worse amongst the activities conducted. It was pathetic. Thanks to the few PMs who themselves are confused and bad tempered, as well as those with incomplete documents and asked stupid questions. It was totally a mess.

One interesting part was the tradition of sub/sorak (cheer) other colleges. I must said we were lucky as we weren't tortured i.e. practice till late at night and our cheers were kinda short. Thus, not impressive at all and we really takut kena boo lah. Thank god we didn't end up at the last place. Who would forget "lu shin chan" or "wuak terlentang"? <-- what's that by the way? (which Calvin commented was pretty disgusting)

For all the formal functions that took place in DTC or sports event at the field, we walked down together. Walking under the blazzing sun is not enough, we must wore the cap to show uniformity<-- crap lah. Once while waiting for everyone to get ready, I took off my cap for a while because of the poor ventilation in dewan makan and my cell-leader ( you-know-who) was quick to notice and teased me "I tau la rambut u tu cantik, but tolong lah pakai topi, nanti kena marah". Speechless.

In UM, we need to register the courses by ourself which means that we can arrange own timetable. However, it was based on first come first serve basis. The day when we rushed down to the computer lab in library was unforgettable. The PM afraid that we might late and did not get what we want. Luckily most of us got what we wanted.

Throughout the whole week, I made alot new friends from all over Malaysia and coincidently we were "connected" to one another. I would have ended up in the same hostel with my ex-best friend from primary school if he accepted the offer. Chee Beng, Wai Chung's best friend whom I met before, once, was there too, though it took me few conversations to realise he's the one. Wei Lun from neighbouring Dato Lokman was Muh Tyng's primary school friends and he knew Shin Yie from NS. What a small world we live in~!!

The best-of-all was the closing ceremony. I was glad that it will finally end. Thanks to Adam, the kaki clubbing who became so excited, I was pulled into the water, cheering, singing and shouting with them, along with Tze Kui, while others were sleeping! A sign of relief when my college didn't get the last place for overall performances throughout the haluansiswa week.

No doubt, it was tiring. Personally, it was bittersweet. Some might think that was the worst week of their life but I believed all of us would agree it was memorable. Like what out PMs said, once a lifetime experience. Nevertheless, we learnt alot from this gruelling, unforgettable yet enjoyable one week.

Flashback #2: My Choice

Around May this year I enrolled in UTAR. Not all of my friends knew it. I couldnt figure out a good answer if I'm being asked the reason. It was a sudden decision anyway.

OK. The next thing is that I need to tell myself that I'm a student again, after so many months and accept the fact that I was alone in UTAR!

First day in UTAR? Oh, certaintly I wouldn't forget that. How could I? It was full of hiccup. Things just went wrong. The admin staff weren't that friendly and warm towards freshies like me. The office was damn crowded with everyone busy handling their forms, paying fees and copying timetable, comparable to the end-year sales in MNG I guess. Luckily I met a former senior of SAB who he helped me abit.

Then, I wandered around aimlessly, not knowing what to do and where to go next. The campus wasn't that big and that was the problem! No where to go. The canteen was so packed. And I was so annoyed to the extent that I actually smsed my friends to complaint how pitiful I was, then. How childish I was that time.

Guess what? I was told that UTAR FES was full of nerds and it's the most quiet one amongst other campuses. I was mislead! And I had a culture shock on the very first day. Adui, the probabilty of meeting funky-dressed ones is higher than in Times Square. Out of 10 guys who wear spectacles, 8 of them had those thick-framed, trendy frames. Out of 10 persons, at least 8 or 9 dyed their hair. It was more like a fashion show over there.

Well, the first week was tough, when I had no friends, when I wasn't really keen in making one. Most of them seem to know each other as they were either from TAR or foundation. It was kinda hard to jump into conversations with strangers. Though I saw many lonely souls just like me, I didn't make any move such to talk to them. People think that I was rather "dao".

Things turned better when I met Christina or Eugene, followed by Alfred and Iping. These four remarkable persons are the one who totally brighthen up my days. They are the fab 4 whom I considered as close friends then, and now. Cheers~!!

I knew Christina and Eugene from chemistry laboratory class. Perhaps I was destined to know them? How? We were asked to form groups of 3 and I had joined this group which consists of a girl and a guy who can't speak cantonese at all- gosh, I quickly switched and joined Christina and Eugene instead. The girl (who can't speak cantonese) was damn "tulan" at me.

What so special about both of them? They are banana-s (don't speak mandarin). In a place where majority speaks mandarin, I still met such people, don't you think I was lucky? The most important thing was that we worked along very well in our chemistry experiments. We were superb, I felt we were a strong team. And I knew wé were in the right channel when we thought of the same about our beloved lecturer- Dr. Loh!

My first conversation with Alfred was rather awkward. It never came across my mind that we actually could get along, pretty well to be exact. I brought this glutton to wai sik gai for dinner. In return, he invited me to Penang for a short trip. Bonded by alot of common interest (food, travelling, aquatic plants, camera) and similar background, we got close very fast.

Remember I mentioned the girl who was annoyed when I switched groups without informing them? Iping lah, who else? SS all the time! Sweet and smart leh! and syiok sendiri, of course. Some might mistaken her for those mui-mui who always peep at guys (oh, she does too!) , she proves herself to be a very supportive friend, and never fail to give precious advice when I really need it.

A bunch of nerds? OK, our STPM/A Lvl results automatically put us in that category. But we were NOT! In fact, we hardly talk about studies at all. Amazed? OK we spent most of the time in library, that was because we have no where to go!

While others paying attention to the lecture, we were either busy telling stories, looking at what's other people is doing or laughing at each other's jokes. Other than that, me and Eugene would have fell asleep. Alfred left the class half way and Iping peeping at the cuties. Typical scenario in a lecture hall.

Other than the fab four, Choy and her gang had been really nice to me. Not forgetting Liz, who showed me around in campus during open day and the first few days. Her existance made it easier for me to adjust to my new campus life. Thanks for everything.

Time passed so fast. Almost one month. When things started to get heated, when friendship blooms, I chose to leave UTAR. What a bad ending to this chapter. And the journey continues...

Flashback #1: When You Failed To Work Out Your PLan

My original plan: work till May, have a rest, go for holidays and hang out with my friends before the uni intake.

However, things didn't turn out that way.

Out of sudden, I enrolled in UTAR and that spoiled everything. The only difference that it took up 5 days instead of 6 working days but I had to woke up really early. Anyway, I endured that for almost a month before the I finally arrived at the big crossroad of my life i.e. when the uni application was out.

Looking back, things actually turned out to be better than what I expected.

Forget about travelling. Nobody going to accompany me anyway. Besides, most of them were working and travelling alone wouldn't be fun.

Secondly, in UTAR, i met alot new friends. When my friend Alfred went back to his hometown, I tagged along. The pearl of the orient was never that beautiful when I was there 10 years ago! He was indeed a great tour guide and gluttonous me enjoyed all the mouthwatering dishes which Penang is famous for- asam laksa, char koey teow and cendol.

And surprisingly, I hang out more often with my friends too. Compared to while I was working, I managed to go for movies or lunch with them and I spent every weekends with them. Miss those days.

Though I was officially uni undergraduate that time, I didnt really flipped through the books. Felt abit guilty now.

That month was indeed wonderful and unforgettable- new friends, Penang outing, hang outs. What I've learnt was when things didn't work according to plans, don't get upset, who knows what will happen next, rite?

Be The Best, Beat The Rest... In A COOL Way

You don't need to appear as a nerd to do well in the examination. This is what people in UM taught me, though i believe it happens at other universities too =P

1. Spend most of your time socializing. Pretend to be the type who doesn’t like to study and mock the nerds. Convince others that those rarely come out of their rooms must be bookworms. When others finally turn their lights off, you can start to burn midnight oil, make up for all the time you lose while acting the whole day! Or if you have streamyx, sign into your MSN to let others know your existance and assume you online most of them. Nobody will know if you are actually reading that Biology Campbell or Raymond Chang Chemistry.

2. Join lots of activities, societies and clubs. Give the impression that you have no time left for revision. No one will point out your stupidity for doing something beyond your limits. If you do well, time to show off~the one who don’t do much revision still pass with flying colours while the nerds did badly! Otherwise, just blame it that you were too busy till you have no time to study. Remember the bad workman always blame its tools. This strategy works perfectly well for those not-so-brilliant but active in coco. No offence ya.

3. Be consistent in asking the lecturer questions after each lectures. (Of course DON'T LET YOUR FRIENDS SEE THIS) Whether the lecturer will be impressed or think you're just idiotic, that's up to him/her. Make sure the lecturer knows who you are and most importantly, have a good impression of you. Who knows, this may help, especially in subjective papers? Means bodek a bit laa…Highly recommended for good looking ones. You have the advantage.

4. If you happened to miss a lecture, get the notes from at least 3-4 persons-to make comparisons and if possible, ask what the lecturer said, WORDS by WORDS. Double check what one person said without another person, just in case the first person forgotten something or purposely mislead you.

5. If you happen to get extra notes, tips or past year papers, keep it ONLY for yourself. Why wanna share with the rest? Anyway, they won’t share with you either. This only applies in situations where the only way to get the past year papers is from your senior. Otherwise, if it's so convenient to download them, why susahkan yourself? If kena tangkap by your friends, then you'll be in deep shit. Well I understand one needs to be selfish, just make sure you dont get caught.

6. Borrow some good reference books from the library and keep renewing it so that nobody gets it. If you found a book that might be useful, hide it. Put it on the same shelves of those ancient books. Let me tell you something, not everyone knows how to search for a particular book in the library.

7. Be close to those who had lots of reference books. If you're not close to that person, just ask anyway, not everyone knows how to say NO. Even if few of them had the same book (rarely happen though), grab those as well! Yes, take the same copies of the same book, but be wise la don't let them know. They might have tips or extra notes hidden inside, who knows? When they finally fell into the trap, avoid returning to them on time. Give stupid excuses. (such as forgotten and etc) Nobody dares to scold you. Caution: Do this at your own risk.

8 When the final is just around the corner, announce to everyone that you haven’t start on reading a single page, when you actually had gone through the notes few times. Exaggerate as much as possible! (such as which topics will be tested and so on) the naive ones will definitely believe you while the smart ones laughing at the back la. Pretend as if you don’t even know the venue and time.Though this is kinda silly la but some still practice this. As usual, if you have tips, don't bother to tell anyone. If they caught you red handed, set up false tips. Try to circulate them through sms as well.

9. Just before sitting for the paper, go and disturb the rest. Make them panic and stressed. Give them the impression that studying last minute is not cool at all. Most easily fall into this trap! Which guy wanna look like a nerd in front of his secret crush? However, do it only if you’re well prepared, otherwise hide at that corner and start to flip through your notes again.

10. After the exam, you can either tell them you did lots of mistakes (exaggerate again, of course!) or just said it was OK. If the majority think they did badly, go with the flow. Keep your fingers crossed that you will do well. Everybody does that so be a little different. You need to CURSE the rest. Your prayers might be answered.

Lastly, upon getting that c.g.p.a of 4.00, shout loudly (no need to shout, just make sure you worst enemy heard it)

"eh I didn't study also can get 4.00, so unexpected~"

In a nutshell, KIASUISM rules.

and I'm sick of it =(

disloyal, selfish, dependent

No further elaboration needed. Three phases above sums it all. The truth hurts. I will remember this.

life's still like that

some updates about my life.

first of all, i am rather surprised that many knew the existance of this blog, that they even linked to my. forgive me. perhaps i've forgotten that's the main purpose of blog-for others to find out about one's life.

secondly, i'm delighted that my friends still visit this abandoned site when the owner hardly updates anything. at last, there's a new entry! =)

stressed is dessert?

life has been great so far!
..
...
..
ok, i LIED. there are things just didnt go smoothly. i'm pressured by my coursemates in UM. seriously. i didnt do well in my studies and as the final exam is approaching i'm becoming hysterical! this is even worst than pre-STPM days, the way i see it and i don't know why.

perhaps it's because of the intelligent, smart and clever ones in UM?

or is it because of their kiasuism and selfishness?

either way, i am stressed. this wasn't the uni life i thought would be.

love and break-ups:

last week, i found out that 2 of my friends broke up with their boyfriends, luckily one of them actually reattached the next day. what is this thing called love? why it brings happiness and tears at the same time ? something which i don't understand and perhaps others were right, love is blind.

on the phone, i don't know what i should say to console them or what is the right thing to say, though i really wish to make them feel better, especially when the person is crying...

however, i learnt that the best thing to do is to listen to what they gotta say. and i'm glad that they actually turn to me when they need a crying shoulder. well, though it's broken, life still goes on right?


current obsessions-music:

Leo Ku has released his latest album titled HUMAN and just like the others, i love the track love too late though i'm rather disappointed with the duet version. simple lyrics and nice melody.

i love most of the tracks in Li Sheng Jie's new album: ABOUT YOUR SONGS, especially yan di xing kong, hen xing shuo and zui jin. ok, i know i'm pretty outdated but what to do? i'm stranded there with wireless connection worse than 56 dial-up.

i

from David Tao's Beautiful, so far i like tai mei li and jin tian ni yau jia gei wo, feauturing Jolin Tsai. The part "Jolin in the house, DT in the house"is so cute...

oh, i nearly forgot about Justin Lo's touched. besides that, there are just so many nice songs by SHE, Jolin, FIR etc.

lastly, i want to say- I WANNA GO SING K !! has been ages since the last time i ever stepped into redbox or neway.

i found this software, in which i can draw organic structure. it's so cool! i thought i would have to do it using microsoft word alone.

now u can try to name the following structure which i think doesn't exist at all...

ok, it's late now, technically i should say it's early now, 3.34 am in the morning and less than 5 hours later i gotta attend lecture. so i should get some rest.

everyone take care ya. cya.

farewell is reunion in another way

hurray! i'm back! where have i been? no where... i know i had alot to blog but for the time being, let's put UM's thingy aside.

i had my term break early last month and clearly timing wasn't right: i wanted to go out but most of my UM pals had balik kampung. alfred, iping, christina and gang were having their final exam. stacy started working. pearly, wen cheong and the rest was rather busy. i thought i would be bored. worse, i still had few tests right after the holiday, that pathetic one week.

and that was the seasons of farewell too. i mean, xinyee and mohan had a joint gathering which i couldn't make it, followed xin yee's farewell inivitation. then, i was told that felix and mun ling would leave soon.

1. xin yee's farewell dinner:

we had steamboat in ampang. for me,it was more like a reunion as we hardly sit down and talk, for quite long time, since the last day of stpm i guess.

it was something like all-you-can-eat style where you were free to grab as much as you want. we seized enormous amount of meat and vegetables that in the end we couldn't even finish them. as for desserts, we had ice kacang, ice cream, agar-agar, kuih, sushi, shark fín's soup (artificial one, of course) and lots more.

and we took lots of photos, of course ;-)

everyone who attended the dinner were inside, except for the photographer, of course.

what a lovely couple cooking together?
no la, he was her junior and cook for the day as well...

me and yue-we entered UTAR together and now she had completed her first semester, enjoying while i'm still struggling in UM...

xinyee's friend, yue and ying ying left early. and we ( me, kha wai, nguk lin, may hwa and xin yee) continued chit chatting. oh, we shared alot of stories, mostly about uni life (haluansiswa, banananess, hostel life etc)

then only i realised one thing: four of us were from 5 M! just like the time we used to borak kosong whenever we were free

nguk lin, who else is luckier than her to get a former classmate as roomate? becoming prettier day by day...

hmmph... just a false illusion. others will quick to notice that i'm not as tall as miss lanky.

and kha wai... you still owe me a favour for getting that super-heavy organic book from UM...

and they had a common thing: all of them doing courses related to CHEMISTRY! i had enough of chemistry, really...though i like it

last but not least, my dearest xin yee.... wakakkakkaka

xin yee, puva and me - taken upon getting our spm results 2 years ago. and let's compare to teh current xin yee i know- it's amazing to see how much she changed (now even dyed her hair), how far she went (very far indeed)while i'm still lagged behind, wandering around aimlessly.

she is brilliant, smart and determined. so, i strongly believe one day she will achieve her dream in becoming a doctor. gambateh!!

2. felix's SS (syok sendiri) session:

again, this is another reunion. i didnt see stacy for few weeks, amanda and gianne for few months and felix, for mor than a year!

i was late. upon arrival, they finished their meal and we proceeded to the park to take photos and thus, syok sendiri la, apa lagi. luckily we didn't do anything tak senonoh, otherwise we would have ended up with a saman and made a headline in the newspaper...

ok, i admit we did a lot tak senonoh action, but that's for the sake of possing in front of the camera. it was so fun! wait till i get the photos from stacy.

judging from this shot, i believe felix, amanda, gianne and stacy enjoyed ourselves very much. though it was short, i had a great time and it reminded me of the good old days we used to lepak in klcc and the park, as well.

in short i wish both them all the best in their studies. they won't be back for some time, so i'm glad that i met them before they departed. as for mun ling, whom i didn't manage to meet up with due to my indecisiveness, we keep in touch ya!

everyone, it's me again, exactly 3 weeks after my last post. at last, i made up my mind to stay in UM. u're right, i'm one of the lucky ones who secured a place in local university and at the same time, it was the reason i was so confused and stressed for the past one month. that's another story.

anyway, i'll be talking science *call it a lousy course if u wish, that's totally up to u*. i'll stay in the hostel on weekdays and return home on weekends. so i still can hang out as usual. heh.

i'm still alive~!!

hey, i'm back!! i havent update this blog for quite some time.

many things happened over these few months. one of them actually changed my life. guess that i'm truly blessed. on the other hand, i went through the toughest period of my life where things just went wrong. gosh, how i wish it never happened in the first place.

i have a lot to say and share here but too bad, i cant do it now. i'll be away at least for one week. till then, everyone take care ya.

regards,
joe

at last, i'm back. it has been almost a month since my last entry.

earlier i posted the lyrics of because of you by kelly clarkson. now only i realise the lyrics are so meaningful, something which i can relate to in my life.

speaking of music, "superwoman", gary chao ge's cover of karyn white's 1988 hit is a superb. i love the melody but the part that i like the most is his falsetto. his live performance was great.

besides i'm so impressed with jj's latest album cao cao. personally i like 只對你說 and 原來 . since the 1st album, he has improved so much, both in singing and looks as well, dont u agree?

i wasnt aware that there was this meet-fans-session in sg wang until pearly told me. she's a lucky girl- attend that and the promo tour at pgrm. the only regret she had is that wasnt being able to shake hands or take photos with him.

***
ooh about the ranting, as usual, life's like that, but i swear, something bloody serious did happen this time. whether it is serious or not, it really depends how u view it. so if u dont know, dont guess.

oh, the results for psd scholarships was out few days ago. as expected, there were many complaints and disappointments, from both parents and students. u see, the same thing happens every year. let's not debate on who's who is more deserving (none of my bussiness anyway) but i would like to share something that caught my attention.

i saw this in a forum, a rejected applicant posted his details ie his excellent achievements, guess what, his parents earn abt 12k a month! ok perhaps that's not much considering he wants to do medic overseas.

but that made me keep thinking, whether scholarships have gone astray from its original purpose, which is to help those who are brilliant but poor? i know scholarships should be awarded to those who high achievers and all rounders but shouldnt it be a financial aid to those who really need it? there are some with very good results got rejected which some, whose parents are dato and so on got it. cant they afford to give their children a decent education? perhaps what they want is just glamour?

no psd, go to form6. reminds me of what i go through though i know i'm not qualified for it. form6- reminds me of alot of things too. haha. wanted to pay a visit to teachers in school, i'm really thankful to some of the teachers who are really dedicated to their job.

another scenario, imagine that u got into the uni/college and taking the course which u like so much. isnt that a very good reason to celebrate? but when ur worst nightmare come true, someone whom u dislike so much turns out to be ur coursemate, how do u feel? that scares me, at least i still can keep my fingers crossed with wont happen, unlike my friend who isnt so lucky.

enough of crap. i should be sleeping by now.

trust issues come back to haunt me. i often ask myself- how much i trust my friends? and vice versa.

when i repeated the same mistake again, i felt guilty. though i promised to be a fair person, i must admit, at times i am quite biased.

i felt that i have been pushed to the limit where i have absolutely no choice at all-dead end. it sounds exagerrated, yeah it is. in short, i'm too stressed.

to that friend, sorry from the bottom of my heart. i wont claim i'm totally innocent or being irresponsible. however, i wish u can see things from my point of view too.

a friend in need is a friend indeed. the series of unfortunate incidents is more like a blessing in disguise. without them, i wouldnt have figure out who will be there for me, when i need friends the most.

sometimes, what one needs is just a good listener. dont u think so? yet many of us failed to realise that, or worse- dont bother to do so or cant resist that on9 game or juicy gossips are much more interesting?

they didnt help much other than being a listener and giving advices.i understand they cant do anything over the split milk. i appreciate their effort and time spent on me.

there are some who are insensitive. yet, they accused others of being too sensitive. what's lack here would be tolerance and understanding. we are blessed with brains that made us the most advanced species, and how funny to know that some cant even distinguish between right or wrong.

having a friend to talk all night long is such a pleasant experience. he had been such a wonderful friend, minus the arguements, missunderstandings, which i deem as normal. we shared so much all life that none of us realised time passed so fast.

everyone knows there's no turning back in life. how i wish i can just press the button "undo" and everything back to square one. i still have nightmares. some mistakes in the past still haunt me. i'm guilty.

perhaps in the future, i will be grateful. if not for these obstacles, i wouldnt grow up. when things just dont happen as i want it to be, i have learnt to move on. remember life goes on.

because of you

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

and lastly, because of you, i'm who i am today.

hey everyone, i'm back. * i'm still alive*

lately, i was too tired so i have no time for blogging or even online.

received a bad news few days ago. i accepted it though i'm rather upset at how things turn out and most importantly, i'm disappointed at myself. self-guilt

a friend had been very sarcastic lately. i cant stand that person anymore- how can someone be so fake all the time? that's annoying and i'm very irritated at the person's words and action.

right now, i'm in hot water for some trouble which i had yet solved.

u see, i've been experiencing all sorts of bad luck since march. sigh. it's like sudah jatuh ditimpa tangga.

why life gotta be like this? it's so unfair.

another get-together

i know this is pretty lame but we had another reunion the other day.



















it's so fun to put everyone into one room and started chit chatting. oh, i miss ICQ-ing.

the deleted entry

guys i'm back. no, it wasnt any post-stpm-result depression as some of u might think. i was just busy.

actually i posted one lengthy entry abt something (someone) that pissed me off so much. however, for some reasons, i decided to remove it.

whatever happened, happened. i cant pretend as if nothing took place. try to take it as a blessing in disguise.

listen, it's over now.

time flies by again, it's april now. up to my expectation, march was full of hassles.

it never came across my mind we actually had more gatherings to discuss abt the courses than study groups before the exam. guess i could never forget the troubles i had throughout that period. i was so stressed.

but, at the end of the day, the most valuable thing i've learnt is to make decisions and yes, i'm aware this one would change my life.

thx to everyone for their opinions and comments. not forgetting to express my gratitude to li lin and sharon for giving me so much crucial information.

well, i'm glad to say everything is over now. once and for all. no more headaches abt application stuff. the only thing i need to do now-keep my fingers crossed that things will work out as planned.

...
i dont know where i'll be posted. i dont know what course i will get. insecurity kills me. i feel life is so hopeless.

that day *edited version*

better late than never. trust me, i still remember every single moments of that fateful day clearly.

reminiscing...
***

woke up early to prepare myself, online awhile and chatted with jackie, who was just as nervous as me. received lots of sms-s, from pearly and yoke, making me even more shacky.

arrived in school around 10.45 a.m. upon arrival, saw yue who had taken her slip. met kha wai and friends, they looked happy. nobody was crying, i guess overall's performances was good.

i lingered around but i knew i cant escape it. i entered the hall but pn. sakinah was nowhere to be seen. i approached pn. hanifah instead.

"cekgu, result i macam mane? nanti i heart attack kang..."
"cekgu pun tak tau...tengok le sendiri..." she was looking for my script.
"ni pun...bukak la... i tak tau result kamu..." she continued, sambil senyum2 kambing. me -_-"
then she told the reporters
"ni pun salah satu skolah kite punye murid cemerlang..."
...
reporters turned their attention at me. i was puzzled. i was like "wtf...."

my heart was beating so damn fast. i had this scary feeling throughout the process. suddenly, yoke, shin, kailiang, chian appeared out of nowhere and i was surrounded by them. i didnt even to have time to look at them * dah lama tak jumpa ma...* my hands were shaking.

"dont be nervous!!faster open...faster!!!..." yoke exclaimed.
i tell u, she was more nervous than me.
"aiyo..dont scare me. your hands are shaking le..." shin was trying to calm me down too.

>>fast forward>>

at last, it was done. i saw my results. i was kinda numb that time. so i didnt feel anything.
didnt have time to think anything. it was their turn...
ok. their result were ok too. after few session of comparing, yoke wanted to count her cgpa. i was so gelabah and my hands were still shaking.
"use hp la..." i mentioned. aiks, we were so kelam-kabut that time.
then the teacher borrowed her calculator to us.
i pressed the button
w.ww + x.xx + y.yy + z.zz =
but i accidentally pressed the clear button and the screen became empty again..
-_- "
"calm down" i told myself.

>>fast forward>>

pn hanifah passed a white paper to me, which the title was "biodata murid cemerlang"...
-_-" wtf!?!?!?!?
i was speechless. * my result is like damn bad, yet u still gave me this?"
the reporter came over and interviewed me, i was really at loss of words.
"how's ur feeling?"
"ok ler..."
"answer longer pls... describe ur feelings..."
"i m satisfied with it" * i was practically lying. get me, berbohong terang-terang...*
"so what's ur secret of ur success?"
"..."
*speechless man. wth?!?!?!. what had i achieve that u call it a success? menyindir ...*

>>>fast forward>>>

initially i choose to leave out this part but this entry wouldnt be a complete one without it. aiks...it was so embarassing, i mean, what on earth that they want to interview me? luckily i wasnt on air, if not, everyone can see how stupid i was that time. worse, ppl might think i pergi berebut-rebut masuk tv. haha.

then, chit chat with each other for some time while waiting for others to arrived. to be precise, we were waiting for the top-student (muh tyng) to come while kha wai made a call to randall and congratulated him in advance.

oh finally she arrived in mei chern's car, nt sure if anyone leaked out the results to her. and i saw this. * this's gonna be interesting*

someone practically dashing towards the hall, from the office if i wasnt mistaken. wearing a tudung. abit plump.
ermmm...
guessing?
try harder...
...
yeah la, her la, who else?

she sticked herself to muh tyng, hah, this is really an attempt to masuk tv lor! haha.

this is what i pressume,to be the lines that might have took place,
"i ni guru dia. i ajar matapelajaran XXXXXXX" muahahaha."

and this is a true story.
after the session of sandiwara, she asked "eh eh, mak siape ni? mak siape ni? "pointing another lady standing nearby, pressuming she was muh tyng's mother.
well her actual identity was stacy's mother and of course, stacy was -_-".

u see, memang warga sab suka bersandiwara.

anyway,
CONGRATULATIONS to MUH TYNG!!! she actually promised to give me a treat if she did get 4.00 *evil grin*

very well deserving. kinda expected. u see, she's always the top of the top in form6. haha. she worked hard for it and this is a very good example of hardwork pays.

>>fast forward>>

then, i walked to the office to have my photocopied documents certified. i asked the clerk if she can photocopy my results certificate and testimonials, that were given just now.
she refused to help me even i promised her that i'll pay. sigh. no choice but to have it done at petronas, walked back to school and lined up(pn.habibah was quite busy that time)

meanwhile, pearly arrived and was chatting with stacy and wen cheong. wanted to join but forced to return to the office and settle my things. by the time it was done, everyone left, the hall was closed, han xian arrived and we took a cab to town.

had our lunch quickly in low yat food court. after that, headed to redbox for sing-k session. earlier i phoned up may hwa and coincidently she and her friends just came out before we went in. greeted each other and asked abt her results. both she and sze jun did very well too. congrats.

then i was approached by a young pretty girl (haha), she was promoting some hair products. guess what? i was asked to be her model and i'll get a free loreal party proof gel in return. she insisted so terpaksa la. when it's done, she took a photo of mine for some-dunno-what- contest which i will surely lose. aiks... buat malu again ler... -_-"

not only me, but the others as well. all four of us.

sing k sing k sing k...fulled with crappy and crazy moments of course.

>> fast forward>>

we were supposed to stop at 6.00 p.m. but without realising it, we sang till 7 something. ooh, we were actually allowed to sing until 9.00 p.m. but since i promised to meet calvin around 8, we left early lor.

oh, that was the second time we left without kena halau. the 1st time also with wen cheong and in low yat as well.

meet calvin for dinner. before that, he did very well too, so congrats buddy!
we discussed alot of things. i must admit, we really talked about alot of serious stuff this time. that was really a meeting where we spilt out almost everything. yes, it was regarding our future.

left around 11.00 p.m. by the time i reached home, i was damn tired. get me? i was really exchausted.

and i was sick the next day. sigh.

p/s: here it is pearly, though abit late

the most important day in my life has passed. yes, it's over now. it was a meaningful and unforgettable day in my life.

i promise that i will write abt it. everything- what i did, what others did, my feeling, others' feeling and so on. not now, cause there's other more important things to do.

fyi, my result is bad. perhaps some might think i'm just exaggerating but, i know where i stand and i have my reasons why i m unhappy abt it.

i'm will be pretty busy these days. just like the days before-sleepless night. i'm very tired. why there's so much to do before and after it? i really need some rest.

there's so many things that need to be done, yet there isnt much time left.

save me...

at the 11th hour

i cant believe myself. it's so near. less than 12 hours before i will receive my results's script.

phone calls, friends's blog's posts, sms-s, replies in forums are making me damn nervous. seriously.this would be the peak.

something which i copied from friendster:
besides goin to school and take your results, u can also check online and through SMS. how?here is the way..

SMS
key in STPM space, followed by your I/C No. and send to 39003.

ONLINE
log on to www.mpm.edu.my


p/s: all services are only available starting from tmr 11am onwards.

ok, now who wanna try to check through sms?

haha. ok la, guys best wishes from me. we've tried our best. remember:-we survived form6!

stories from workplace

something from workplace worth mentioning. i feel that i really work today.

in the morning, i have to do the chores(cleaning) all by myself. colleague went to collect his result.

a negro man came in and gotta serve him. luckily jasnice arrived just in time, if nt how am i gonna layan his kerenah-mintak discount? anyway, he spent 1800 bucks.

then, 3 men came in and tried lots of clothes. they bought quite alot as well, arnd 900 bucks. so total is : 2700++
untung la boss

was extremely stressful today. need to alter few pants, especially in front of him. damn tension that time. practically the shop was turned upside down.besides, unexpectedly alot customers came in and tried everything. unlike the past few days where almost nobody stepped into the shop. it would be better if they come one by one. haha.

earlier, saw kam seng and gang, was informed abt the school's results. later in the afternoon, bumped into lawrence,andrew and the straight A1 gang, so i straight away congratulated them.wonder if that will pass some of his luck to me? haha

anyone heard of syn? i'm nt sure so i wont elaborate here. well, me wanted to buy some cakes from the cafe in hotel so i asked yow lee to tag along. few lifts were full so we cant get in. by that time,we realized there was a lot ppl in formal attire with the syn badge. mark my words, A LOT. everywhere in times square. at every corner u can see one. suddenly i remember that they are having some sort of part/dinner up there. anyway we got into one lift and as it moved up, it stopped at each floor and yeah, all also syn ppl. haha. i insisted that we must get to 14th floor(where the hotel is) to jakun awhile, but to my dismay, once the door of the lift opened, there were ppl trying to sell tickets. dahsyat.

and out of the blue moon, someone asked me to do him a favour by giving him 5 missed calls. try to figure out the reason behind it.

pre 16th march syndrome

it's my turn this coming thursday. i bet there wont be miracles, i have absolutely no idea on how it's gonna be. even for the overall performances, teachers cant predict anything.

here will be surprises. we will be shocked. some will be overjoyed while others will be disappointed. it's always like that for stpm. too bad, past years showed that the latter will dominate the environment.

• wen cheong came over, to remind me of the comin 16th. guess what, his main concern is that when should we go to take it.
• yow lee too, was experiencing the same time. we still indecisive over the 8 choices
• muh tyng and i agreed upon that we should seek advices from teachers and seniors regarding the upu stuff.
• pearly feels the heat too. who doesnt when ur colleague on and on reminds u on that?
• ai chen was right. we can hide but cant run away from it. we gotta face the cikgu-s in school.

it really bothers me, i cant stop thinking abt it -how's my future will be. i shouldnt make a fuss out of it but come on, it will be the last time. last time of taking result scripts of an open-examination.

annoyed by these stpm stuff? dont worry, it will be over in few days time. i promise.

2 more days to go...

SPM sangat cemerlang

oh i have a good news. sab did it again, as usual, as expeced.

for those who didnt know, there are 14 straight A1-s students. the number doubled from past years. highes record ever.

mulut cikgu-cikgu mesti tersenyum lebar.

whether it's the students becoming smarter, cut-off marks becoming lower, it's another problem, i dont care. all i can say is hardwork pays off for them.
congratts ya~

unlucky me

for the past few days, things just went wrong.

i'm having bad hair days. firstly, i will point my fingers at him(the hairstylist) then only blame myself for allowing myself to be his victim. ooh, i didnt ask for him actually but since 1st choice and 2nd choice werent around, i have no choice at all.

he took his own sweet time experimenting with my hair, a total of 1 and a half hour, inclusive of the 30 minutes waiting for my turn. he tried very hard to be friendly, or maybe he is really that formiable, but still, i deem he talked way too much. at times, i was at lost of words and only replied "oh icic, yakah?, hmm yalor.."

the main point- i'm nt satisfied with his job. sigh.

i forgotten the pin number for my atm card. *bang my head against the wall* i'm nt sure which combination of numbers and after 3 times, the card was blocked. so i need to go to the bank to settle it, and will be fined somemore. sigh

the fluorescent light in my room was out. i was in dark the whole nite yesterday. now that my father had replaced it, the new one seems like too bright and i feel hot. sigh.

and series of friendship issues drive me crazy. seriously.

at one instance, i feel i should change myself. why on earth i always burden myself with all these nonsense?

ppl say i think too much, too complicated, yet i cant help it, it's me. and perhaps by eliminating those ppl, i wil have less things to think about. from another point of view, i'm just running away from truth and hiding from the reality.

a reunion

yesterday, we had a reunion of former sabians through msn. it was all of a sudden actually.


so here's the list:- me, xin yee, kha wai, liang wen, felix, gianne, mohan

internet is such a powerful communication tool, connecting ppl from all parts of world. felix in uk, mohan in moscow, the rest scattered all over malaysia. haha.

for some who still think msn is only for borak- borak kosong, think again. ok, i admit we talked craps most of the time haha, we need to relieve stress also kan?
it was so fun to catch with one another and gossip of course.

and, we planned to organize a gathering in july, so let us wait and see if it will be successful.

report: pasar malam

pasar malam hit: 约定 by guang liang

it was still very crowded by 10.20 pm. luckily, i managed to grab some food and drink for supper. * in line with my gain-weight policy* haha.

bought a rojak-cd but some songs are spoilt. cis, geram betul la. so lain kali, belilah yg ori, jgn beli cetak rompak.

well just another NATO remark.( no, not that in perang dingin in sejarah form 4 la) it simply means no action, talk only...

current obsession: 只對你說 by jj lin jun jie (check out his album-cao cao)

p/s: pearly, i'm promoting ur idol...mine as well. haha.

###

"hey can u send the add again? i terdelete liao just now. asap ya..."

...

"hey i need the address now la...faster?"

...

"beng fye ah... address..."

imagine u need something urgently and u're still not getting getting the reply from that person?frustrating?

in that case, i'm truly sry to wen cheong. haha. who ask him sms me that time? at pasar malam ma, sangat bising and riuh-rendah. so didnt realise that 3 sms until another friend phoned.*sigh*

pre-16th march headache...

yes, i'm still alive! i was too tired and malas to blog actually.

the online application for uni-dateline is actually 10 working days from the day the results released but by that time, everyone will rushing to summit their application and if when the server down that time, then i kantoi?

now i terhegeh-hegeh settle it lor.

orang tua-tua ( not orang-orang tua) selalu cakap,

biar lambat asalkan selamat

i gotta disagree. lambat tak semestinya selamat. yang pasti -lambat tu memang lembab. * in this case*

gruelling task: pick 8 courses

"easy la..."

think again, if take into consideration of these, it wont be easy anymore.

interest, qualification, the university itself, job prospect - just to name a few. and i havent mention abt the selection process and karenah birokrasi...

at the end of the day, it's still the STPM results that matters, at least that's what we agreed upon-me, kha wai, nguk lin, yow lee.

had a phone conversation with muhtyng. we discussed the same thing and both of us are really confused and nervous right now.

it was followed by a bad news from xin yee,

keputusan SPM-cemerlang, STPM- MEMUASKAN *sahaja*

perhaps it's me being too pessimistic. well, if overall performances of the students are just mediocre, i guess chances of scoring good grades will be lowered.

havent go back to stare at the list again after this. sigh.

anyone can lend me a helping hand- i want advices and opinions, i'm really desperate for it...

quote of the day:

"what will be,will be"

xin yee (1987-now)

guess what, today is 9th, which means

STPM RESULTS ~NEXT WEEK!

oh, i'm really nervous. it really bothers me, especially i have no idea at all, how it will turn out. trust me, i have no absolute confident on a single subject.worse, PA can be the dark horse.

i imagined if i really did badly, i only have myself to blame, i destroyed my future with my own hands.

i feel insecure.

countdown: 7 days

hooray. march is here *finally*. however i'm still in disbelief. 3 months had passed since the last day of stpm.

a friend once commented that feb was the shortest month of the year , yet it dragged to be longest. for me, it was full of changes.

in february:
missed the genting trip. found out that another friend got attached. lonely single awareness day. pearly started working, so is manyit, stacy, hanxian, wen cheong. rowena's new look. yoke's self-acclaimed 魅力沒法擋. fei resigned. missed the leo and miriam's concert.

besides that, i:
befriended with someone. annoyed by an idiot. disappointed with one's decision. alienated a group of friends. understand myself better. obsessed with 约定.

in march, it's gonna be worse. results will be released, as well as unsolved issues at workplace, friendship matters, inner-self conflicts, trust issues. i need to make important decisions.decisions that most likely will change my life forever and there is really no turning back for this on. with my indecisive nature, it aint gonna be easy.

many gonna celebrate their birthdays in march. that's gonna burn a hole in my pocket, and headaches searching for suitable presents.

before i forget, happy birthday, tony chin! my pet-bro is turning 16 and i m stepping into 20 soon. haha. i want a choc banana cake from big apple restaurant!

i m bored of my hair. the color faded away too. it's turning darker and becoming black. ooh, 88 bucks gone like that. should i get a haircut?haha

ppl around me are behaving in a really weird manner. well i'm an eccentric fella too. haha

the arrogant and lan c guy suddenly became very friendly, towards me. we hardly know each other yet he dare to enter the shop and chit-chatting with me. -_-"

sometimes i wonder how fast ppl can change? i have the answer now- very fast. a friend got promoted and within minutes, i really notice the difference in his attitude.

i used to hate myself for being selfish, especially the naive ones always scold me and i feel guilty. now, not anymore! everyone is being selfish too, some to the extent of cheating and betrayal. i need to look into my own interest and protect myself too.

another 2 weeks before stpm results will be released...

just me and my boring life

yesterday was saturday-and sales was 0. oh, i really couldnt believe it :S

sang's back in action, would be in lot 10 for 2days, and that means i would have a regular partner to have meal with.

pearly came to collect the weighing scale which she asked me to grab it at the last day of watson's offer. (detailed enough?)

stacy and hamtaro came in not long after pearly. 3 of us catch up with each other.

***
i realise what's the difference between close friends and normal friends.

and i found out that there are really ppl whom i cant get along with, so there will be ppl whom i can actually get along with, even at the 1st conversation.

and 3 of us realise the importance of choosing a marketable degree with a bright job prospect. we still have much to learn.
we need to plan our future. another headache.

kawai too, dropped by, after buying kelly's cd and vcd. and that certainly reminded me of leo and miriam's concert which i was so eager to watch. haih.

and my colleague's comment made me realise something-who's the friend that i'm really comfortable with.

before i forget, did i mention even workplace is another issue? things got so messed up and i felt like i'm the one who got screwed up. sigh.

and i just remember, i m holding the keys. i cant be late. and it's 2.38 a.m. now!

before i speak, let me reveal some parts of my message history with a friend.

me, she

part 1.
i cant stand la..go out lo..
cant stand mai sit lor
NOTHIN la..
me too la. bored like hell
u no car meh?
realli no wo
haiz..nothin.now i jz wan ppl hv car

part 2.
wan go kai kai?
when?
now. u hv car?if no. nothin. hehe
haha now watch tv
go hell la.

the question is - who she thinks she is?

just because she is cute, adorable, and what so ever, knowing her as a friend doesnt mean that i m among few guys going after her.

besides, it was another friend who introduced her to me. and i thought i should be nice to my friend's friend.

now i know that having a car- is one of the things in her friends-must-have list.

*sigh*

and that definitely earns her a place in my personal black-listed ppl as well. aint that cool?

some ppl are just choosy in choosing friends as well. looks, money, career and what else that counts?

that's a very good example, when i keep mention-that i choose friends as well. i dont need such friend. friend who desert me when i'm worthless. haha. come on, this is life, i told myself

p/s: well, i left some hidden clue abt that person here. i believe the observant ones will notice it.

约定...你

everyone is crazy abt michael's 约定. * kalau nama lagu pun tak pernah dengar, hantuk kepala kat dinding*

watched the mv(music video) the other day. i agree with most, it is very similar to 童話 .- the beginning, the piano, the style, the concept, the settings, lightings and so on.


it takes some time to load.

at 1st i even think that it is the sequel to 童話. well, too early to tell if it can regain 童話 's success.

anyway, malaysia boleh! haha.

i was really pissed off by a worker of WWF.

the day before one of them approached me and bried me abt WWF and related stuff. when she found out that i'm actually that young-financially unstable, she then asked me to help her to promote abt the fund-raising event to others which i agreed.

she was a really polite and nice lady.

and yesterday, it was a totally different story.while i walked pass the same path, another lady gave me a stare (coz i buat tak tau when i saw her) and pointed at the banner.
"heard of WWF?" she asked.
i nodded my head, trying to tell her that others i ady brief me on it. but that wasnt the case.
" oh, then have u fill the form?" she again asked.
"err.. no" i told her.
"why?" she questioned me.
i was stunned.
as she came nearer, i told her "i dont have any credit cards..."
"another excuse" she replied, very sarcastic, just like the lady at the star edufair.

well, i appreciate her job, which is collecting fund for WWF, it aint easy. i know that. maybe others gave her a hard time. perhaps she was too pressured. whatever reason it is, it's not justiable for her to be so rude.

she should have pick those richer ppl, at least ppl with a stable job, not part-timer like me. it's obvious that ppl like me is financially unstable and she should have expect that.

i'm not trying to make her look bad. just that i have a feeling that she's just worry abt her personal target.who knows how much commission she can get if someone actually sign up? i'm not sure abt it. i dont know if it's a volunteer work, so i wont assume things.

in short, she's rude.

returning back to workplace after my offday (which is a thursday) -nvr fail to offer me surprises. either it is a good or bad news, it's another thing.

my colleague's friend, wilson dropped by and the next thing he did was- promote this skim piramid (something like skim cepat kaya) and of course, both of us didnt fall for it.

mr boss suddenly appeared out of nowhere and gave 3 of us a shock. there was some stuff that both of us tried to convince him and we failed.

then it was me and my colleague's turn to sort things out-work related stuff, which could really screw us up if left unresolved. and i'm glad i take this approach, though i fear it might ruin everything. and luckily,it didnt.

jackie and his friend, caroline, came in and i had alittle chat with him for awhile before kha wai and yow lee gave me a surprise visit. my plan was to catch up with jackie before joining the latter for drinks.

i guess i talked too much, by the time kha wai and yow lee returned, me still chating with jackie and caroline. somehow, later majlis bersurai lor- jackie and caroline went to look for another friend, yow lee back to her workplace and that left kha wai at my place.

we chatted and discussed alot of things, ranging from studies, work, career, love and so on. no doubt, he is the best choice when comes to more mature stuff. by having friends who work in different fields, one can really learn alot bout their experiences. thus, get a clearer picture of the outside world.

he left, the other 2 came back. 3 of us went to the hotel's cafe to buy some cakes, a treat for jackie and a new friend-caroline. 3 of us share one thing in common-so sampat. 3 of really made a scene there. at 1st, rambang mata when choosing the cakes, so bising and kecoh, and jakun as well. 3 chinese merepek-repek and mengarut in bm. haha. i guess even may lee who was serving us, also -_-". luckily we didnt kena halau by the management lor.

satu monyet, satu babi and satu lagi di-babikan(me).
monyet bergayut-gayut, babi bergolek-golek...
* tak ingat yg lain2 la*

they actually planned to peep at justin lo, who was having meet-fans-session at sg wang and i was thinking of tagging along but in the end, tak jadi. that monkey was so full that he didnt want to move.

maybe it was coincident, maybe it wasnt, jackie's frens, 2 of them was nearby so they came in to look for him. hmm...let me see, there were 6 ppl in the shop * so meriah* but none of them are customers.*sweat sweat* haha.
well, if edison and ah lok came in too, we could have a gathering and if boss suddenly turned out, then kanasai la.

by the way, they left around 8pm and the next thing i realised was- time passed by so fast. haha.

sampat-ing really fun lor so that i can forget abt nuisance that's been bothering me, at least for that time being.

p/s: thank you-jackie, and caroline for brighthen up my day!

stpm results...

it's been confirmed-STPM results will be released on 16th march. and it's approximately 3 weeks from now. shall i start the countdown? at least i have something to look forward to.

to be frank, i dont expect to pass with flying colors but of course i hope it'll be good enough to secure a place in uni, in the course that i want.

farhan once said, taking results is more terrifying than sitting for the exam itself. he was right. actually it started to bother me, who wont be worry?

i shall enjoy the last few weeks of idle life. after getting the result, there's no more excuse. gotta start to plan abt my future, seriously.

growing up aint that easy, now i realise that.

no! dont get me wrong. i'm not trying to empathize. it just struck my mind and came up with that entry. haha.

thx again for reading...

mr lonely?

valentine's day is over and love is still in the air....

it seems like everyone around me is in relationships and i'm the only black sheep. haha.

of course, i hope to have someone with me, talk to me, listen to me, understands me, loves me and so on, but that doesnt mean i need to rush into a relationship.

what most of them say?-"hey, even mr (u name it) has attached, when's ur turn?faster go find someone la..." "nobody wants me haha..." that's how i usually reply them.

i could only laugh when i heard that. the way they talk, as if finding a gf is as simple as choosing a bottle of drinks? or just another mix and match ?

no doubt, it can be that way,that easy, simply pick someone and see if the relationship can bossom. haha. i wonder if it really works? yes- answer given by a friend.

yesterday, siew wai and his gf dropped by. i was stunned by her blond hair, nearly cant recognise her. catched up with him alittle. then, stacy and her bf as well as eunice and her bf suddenly came into the pic, and it was like a mini gathering for lovers, getting to know each other amongst them, that made me felt so awkward too -_-". my colleagues even thought it was planned. haha.

aiks..

haha im at the edge of hitting 2-0 and i still wonder what love is all about...* laugh at myself*

i start to wonder if things happen for reasons, especially when we least expect it. that's when we call it coincidence isnt?

"...u know that day times squar,e i was just taking abt u then u tapped me on de shoulder...then ï told kez about me u jac and kev... then i ran into jac's sis.." gianne told me.

unexpected isnt? i saw her while she was on the escalator so i approached her and wanted to give her a surprise, at the same time, she was telling her friend that she wanted to visit another friend working nearby (which is me) and...

luckily, she wasnt bitching abt me or i'll be able to catch her red-handed and skin her alive! *evil grin*

moral lesson- beware and becareful, look around before u start gossip abt someone, the person might just appear out of nowhere.

me, she, kev, jac? *sigh* oh definitely i still remember that, how could i forget that? while i should let bygones be bygones, some fragments of the past still worth keeping. that period was short but we had much fun, didnt we? and i pressume, that only both of us still bookmark that. it was unforgettable, at least for me.

at times, i do look at the right place at the right time. perfect timing~

yes, i saw u!! * u should know who u are*

if u think i didnt, u're wrong. every time u're there, i saw u by chances, lucky, i guess.

...

anyway, looking back, i realise many situations in life were much akin to crossroads. similarly, one path lead to another. because of the decisions i made and choices i chose in the past, i am who i am today.

no point turning back, being guilty and regretful for whatever mistakes one did. what's more important is to learn the lesson and move on.

life is too short.

约定

current obsession- it would be micheal wong's 约定, a promise

he is michael wong, 光良 * for those who still never heard of him and his 童話*

his latest album, entitled "a promise", will be released in march.

these lines do speak out what's in my mind:

我还记得我们的约定...
...
你会记得我们的约定?

something to ponder about:

how many times u make a promise and failed to keep ur promise?

how many times someone made a promise and still unable to fulfill it?

current favourites

justin's 好人 is one of my favourites. now, i found out that 命硬 is nice too. one of hongkong's rising stars, based on his achievements last year.

denise ho's 勞斯．萊斯 earned her an award in jade solid gold top 10 songs and i was told this song and 化蝶 were quite famous in hongkong. remember: watch the mv of 勞斯．萊斯 ya.

images from http://www.yesasia.com

fearless

watched fearless with wen cheong the other day, in exchange for 3 hours sing k session before that. if only i can memorize lyrics better, the 3 hours would be more fun, minus the terrible food of course.

actually i'm neither a diehard fan of jet li nor martial arts movies, but somehow he managed to persuade me to watch it. besides, earlier, someone recommended it to me. no, i didnt fall asleep. it wasnt as boring as what others thought. i guess the moral of the story is more important, rite?

however, i dont adore the theme song, huo yuan jia in by jay chou. haha.

it's been more than one week since the last update. anyone actually bothers to read my blog? haha.

love's in the air again.

another friend told me he got attached too. surprise again, one after another. i wonder who's that lucky girl ya?

everyone, single or attached, happy valentine's day...

breaking news!!

my sis is a genius! well, she claimed she is one, after doing those intelligence test. forget the fact she did very badly in her exams all this while, especially add maths. *evil laughter*

anyway, here's the link if anyone actually wanna try it out. * enter at ur own risk ya*

www.intelligence-test.net/part1/


i did it earlier but i gave up halfway. * malas nak fikir la...* fyi, i was in the average category. ok la, i m a dolt, my brain cant think that fast. haha.

one thing we have in common. when comes to maths, we are failures. surprisingly i obtained A1 for add maths., count that lucky ya.

it was yesterday, i think, when she approached me with a piece of paper and a pencil, the next thing i heard was penyempurnaan kuasa dua.

i scribbled something. then...

....

oops. i have forgetten the methods * sigh*

funny, when i told yoke abt it, she reminded me of something "muru will terjun bangunan lor..."

well, mr muru, our beloved maths teacher, always warn us not to give him any shock. and if we screwed up maths paper, he once said that he wil jump off the building. of course, he was kidding la.

even when he's not around for the past few months ie life without maths, i find my life is still very complicated, like a maths question. worse than a trigonometry question. haha.

when the books are left untouched for sometime, it's acceptable to forget some stuff, but, not this one.
how da heck i gonna solve those algebra if i cant event factorize it?*sigh*

btw, i have some bad news. it's being rumoured that the results will be out at the end of the month. it could be in early march.
either way, approximately one more month to go...

*sigh*

leehom's latest album

from: http://www.yesasia.com

i m currently obsessed with - kiss goodbye

*heard before?*

havent u heard of the joint concert by leo ku and miriam yeung, at the end of the month? if u really didnt, u must hiding under some tempurung-s?

i sort of like wanna go la. though no free tickets, i m forced willing to pay. the cheap ones of course. haha

so anyone wanna go?


from: http://www.galaxy.com.my/default02.htm

finally done with the post on music thingy. now , gonna continue with some updates.

woof woof... happy doggy new year everyone!

and, happy federal territory day everyone! * for those who live in kl*

wait... hey where's my angpow?

the last few days, visited my relatives, collected angpows * not much though...* and didnt balik kampung la. * no kampung how to balik leh?* however, it's really nice to see have all of them gathered together.

these few days ate too much, as a result, stomache la. but ah, i cant resist myself from eating, cause i have nothing else better to do. since most of my friends were busy or not in kl, so i have nobody to hang out with.

everyone is so busy. take pearly for example, who even tell me her schedule for the whole week. -_-". but, it's totally opposite here. i m bored to death.

but, starting work tmr. sigh. malas to work after so many days of holidays. haha.


p/s: toothache is killing me... sigh...but paracetamol works haha

let's talk about music...

after the recent rthk 10, the results of all 4 prestigious music awards in hk for 2005 are finally complete. much have been said by everyone, especially the fans.

metro radio hit? the organisers would make sure nobody walked home empty handed. so what happens to the value of the awards?

some deem that cr2 903 (chik chak)'s results is more accurate. it's actually based on the songs' airplay, which is in total control of the dj-s, so guess what happens if the dj-s favour certain singers or dislike the others?

as for tvb jade solid gold,those who take part in their production will certaintly secure an award, and eg, that was very crucial in top 10 songs and best male singer this year. tau khabar angin tu tak?

rthk top 10 suppose to be the fairest and most reliable one but well, we have no say over their decisions, dont we?

face it, it's quite impossible to please the fans of every singers. there wont be one music award that appear to be "fair" to everyone. as long as there's good music, that's pretty enough.

just a short short review ya...

quite happy with justin and janice emerged as the best newcomers. unanimous decision anyway. besides, their good man and big brother were a hit and good man even went into top 10 in rthk.eason has a successful comeback while leo ku had a great year. 4 songs from eason's u87 topped the charts while leo has a number of hits too, who doesnt heard of his 10 minutes medley- jade solid gold? on the other hand, denise ho and fiona sit seem to improve alot, by looking at their achievements. oh, joey yung and miriam yeung still unbeatable.

complete list of all 4 music awards maybe found in www.yesasia.com soon, i guess. perhaps, try look for it in chinese websites ya.

btw, i have my personal list of favourite songs in 2005. not all are the famous ones, award-winning- songs, some may not even heard of it, but for me, they are very meaningful.

- mandarin -

珊瑚海 coral reef – jay chou & lara
童話 fairy tale – michael wong
forever love – lee hom
天空 sky – jolin tsai
一千年以前 one thousand years later – lin jun jie
少年 teenage – michael wong & chao ge
愛錯 love wrongly – lee hom
偏見 – gigi leung
愛可以問誰 who can I ask about love? - hacken lee
曖昧 – rainie yang

- canto -

好人 good man – justin
ABC君 mr. abc – alex fong
自欺欺人 self deceiption- alex fong & theresa
大哥 big brother – janice wei lan
如無意外 if nothing goes wrong – denise ho
二等天使 second level angel – wilfred lau
無賴 rascal – ronald cheng
阿牛 – eason chen
天才與白痴 genius and idiot – leo ku
男孩像你 a guy like you – fiona sit
越唱越強 more singing more power – joey yung

p/s: i want ur comments on both lists...

dear readers,

"i will explain to u later. dun message me anymore. sorry. haih."

...

that's neither from me nor for u. that's actually the message i received from someone approximately a week ago. how did i feelings? need not to elaborate.i was shocked. i didnt know what i should do or how should i react?

he described me as "noi yau chin kuan". guess that suits him more than me.

i dont know whatever that reason that lead to his decision to cut off the friendship. i will never know, unless he is willing to clear up the pictures. but he refused, so i guess i will be in the dark, forever.

remember that night?
the time we talked bout our lives
the moment we shared our ups and downs
we reminisced about the past
recalling how wonderful life was
we tried to foresee our future
hoping to live the life we want

that night,
we knew both had a tough year
things just went wrong
i regretted of doing something
he made some mistakes too
life was so stressful
i almost give up
he is never the cheerful person he was

that night
we knew our common goal
i worked very hard
he put all his efforts
i know where i stand
he wished he could have done better
now,
we keep our fingers crossed
and wish one another good luck

that night,
he told me he's into music
i told him i like music too
singing is his passion
listening to him is my pleasure
one day, he shall be on the stage
and i will be his audience

that night,
we told one other about growing up
he told me his hopes
i told him my fears
very well, we understood
life's like that

and that night,
we never expect things to turn out this way
sometimes
dreams just never come true


is he my friend
is he my foe
i dont know, nobody knows either
i m seeking the answer
perhaps, only time will tell
he has his reasons
which i shall never know
for a broken friendship
one shouldnt stick to it, it's pointless
one shouldnt throw it away, it's heartless
at least, i know
for once, he was my friend
a friend that i nvr regret of knowing

to be frank, it never came across my mind to make u look bad. i really wish to express my feelings here and let u know what's in mind. perhaps, u could see things from my point of view.

why waste time and enery on friends like him? my friend told me. i cant hate him, something is holding me back.

what should i do?

***

one problem followed by another.

"i know u more than u think." u dont. dont perasan la.

to be fair enough, i understand u much more than u expect.

ppl around me, especially this person, claimed they know me well, yet, they always missunderstood what i said and pressume things. i dont blame him if he never expect me to be that complicated but he surely shouldnt think i'm that simple minded.

one time, he ignored me and all my messages went unreplied. the next thing, he treated me nicely and acted as if nothing happened. how dumb he is to think that i didnt realise all this? how fake some ppl can be?

him? i used to trust him alot and i guess, he wont get that anymore.

***

i'm sure most would hear of it- "sorry no cure"

now i finally understand its meaning when i relate it to my own experience. sometimes, there's no way to un-do one's mistake, take back one's action or words. face it. "it's ok"- that's just being polite.

there's no point telling the person how regretted u feel after doing it. when u had done a mistake, learn ur lessons.

this little thing called friendship is in fact a big big thing in my life. as gianne commented before, my life is full of drama and it's never quiet from conflicts and problems.

and that really bothers me.

did some last minute shopping with calvin yesterday. on and off between my workplace and practically running from my place to another. luckily both of us didnt buy alot, but unfortunately, we met a rude sales assistant.

received my 1st angpow from my boss. haha.

received 2 greetings cards from my friends. thx alot ya.

received lots of forwarded messages from friends whom i didnt contact for some time.

didnt hear much noise outside, even firecrackers. perhaps it's because of the news bout someone in the neighbourhood was arrested by police for some offence which i wasnt sure about.

i'm eating alot nowadays. just now, i ate 4 oranges and finished half of the cookies in the bottle, then i had stomachache.

anyway
happy chinese new year everyone
hopefully the year of dog brings more happiness

didnt write for the past few days. yeah something happened. life was like a roller coaster ride for me. surprises that made me almost speechless. unhappy incidents that made me felt life is almost pointless.

how fast things will change? very fast...

i can hate someone whom i used to love.
between love and hate, there's just one thin line.
i can despise someone whom i used to respect.
just found out someone doesnt deserve the respect i have for him all this while
i'm tired of someone whom i used to look forward to hang out with.
again, ppl do change, either me or that person.

***

change topic k?

i have good news. finally i met back foong seng, my junior in pasar road. the 1st conversation, through msn, after nearly 7++ years was so pleasant. i mean, i'm pretty glad that he still remember me after all these years.

something special.
me and him at pasar road.
our elder sis used to study at bbgs.
our younger sis used to study at dato abu bakar.
each of above pairs know each other. cool?
me, my elder sis, my younger sis are all older than him, his elder sis, his younger sis by one year respectively.
what a coincidence~

on monday, stacy, hanxian and amanda dropped by my place. the girls were doing their cny shopping and i joined them awhile during my break. 3 of them looked so happy and satisfied with their purchases.* shopping is girls'favourite hobby*

we saw a shirt with this: "god created adam and eve, not adam and steve", followed by some pics. get it? haha.too bad, cant take pic. if u wanna know the precise location of the shop, ask me ya.

before they went home, they dropped by again. well that time, we were sewing the pants, so it was kinda an eye-opener for them to see guys doing that. *well, we have to learn*

and yesterday, managed to convince my colleagues for a drink at pudu wai sik gai after work. not just 3 of us, ah onn (fei's fren) tagged along too.when he's around, u can ensure there wont be any dull moment. he has too many stories to keep u entertained. though the food wasnt that nice, i think i had an enjoyable time. and CY just loves steamboat. and u wont believe this. we bumped into the DIGI girl i mentioned last time. she's still as agressive as ever. err.. really never expect to see her there. perhaps that's faith.

thinking back, it's been a really long time i walk alongside the shops in majistic. miss the days when me and my friends used to lepak there. haha.

i really love the duet by jay and lara, coral reef (shan hu hai) so much. watch the mv before? if u had, u with agree with me, that lara is absolutely gorgeous~ haha. and when ezy video is airing that mv, it drew the crowd's attention. seriously.

unbelievable. eunice, the hairstylist in kimarie is so famous. ok, at first i found fei, who is her regular customer. then stacy told me her fringe was cut by her too and she accidently cut her own fingers. last time, when she was washing my hair, not only my hair got wet, my shirt too. haha. and foong seng was his customer too. wow~

oh, how's everyone preparation for cny? should be almost done. here, nothing is done. we havent clean the hse or buy any food,even mandarin oranges. as for me, i still havent shop for clothes. and i must remind myself to get at least one red t-shirt. and over the years, i normally wont wear all the clothes during cny, but when my relatives actually can recognise if it's an old one, i have no choice. there's one time one of my aunt actually notice that and said "wah, u wore this shirt last year, isnt it?". funny, even myself couldnt recall that.

and speaking of shopping for new year clothes, i always did that at the 11th hour. recent years, my partner was calvin.guess what happen when 2 very indecisive and 38 guys went to shop together. and i must admit, i enjoy his company, and our trip is usually a exhilarating one.haha. and when we met weird sales assistant, we had interesting stories to share with. the ones at romp would be a very good example. bet he still cant forget that nightmare?

guess what, this year, last minute shopping again. on saturday after 3pm to be precise. and we gotta rush back for reunion dinner. wow, no doubt, it's gonna be interesting. haha.

all this while i realise that i dont really have much friends. since i rarely socialize or meeting ppl, so i'm pretty much a loner most of the time.* being honest* and i thought, no, i was made to believe that i have at least few close friends. yet those who really stick with me through thick and thin is really few.

whenever i need someone to talk to, it really saddened me, to know there is absolutely nobody. ok i'm not really suprised, since i used to be a loner anyway. however, i put high hopes on my so-called-close friends, and what a letdown. this really makes me wonder where i stand?

perhaps i ought to be more understanding.
maybe it's really wrong timing. maybe they are just too busy.
or perhaps i should face the truth
maybe i'm just not worthwhile spending their precious time with.
i shouldnt assume and make them seem so bad
re-evaluate myself? i always do that.
nobody is perfect. to err is human.

since young, i was taught to avoid doing things which i didnt like others to do to me. well, i treat ppl the way i hope i will be treat by them.
i tend to think, if i'm nice to them, they'll be nice to me. something like newton law3?
the saying: a friend in need is a friend indeed. no doubt, difficult times are really good chances to see their true colors ie whether they really stand up for u or walk away just like that. that too, remind me that i must re-evaluate myself, my friends and the friendship.

from time to time, i need to see which way im going, what kind of ppl my friends turned into. certaintly, i dont blame them. ppl do change over time. i understand that very well.

it's unfair. whenever he needs my help, i'll be there for him, without a hesitation. however, whenever i need him, he'll be busy. just come up with tones of excuses, so that it wont make him look bad for not being able to accompany me.cool hor? i might seem irrational, but that's just how i feel.

"he" doesnt refer to just one in particular. "he" represents many type of ppl arnd us.

friendship involves give and take, from and to both sides. when it comes to a point where just one side giving, and the other one just receiving, something must have went wrong. selfish. that's how i would describe someone who always ask for favour from others while he himself never do anything in return.

and i understand, i cant be too calculative. but, who likes to know that one is being taken advantage of all the time?

saw this at someone's blog and it's damn true.
friends...we must learn to "exploit" them before they "exploit" us. frienship is merely a transaction between 2 ppl, so that they can make use of each other, in a "morally-legal" way.

face it, life's like that.

i love my friens. i appreciate our friendships. that's from the bottom of my heart.