at last, i'm back. it has been almost a month since my last entry.

earlier i posted the lyrics of because of you by kelly clarkson. now only i realise the lyrics are so meaningful, something which i can relate to in my life.

speaking of music, "superwoman", gary chao ge's cover of karyn white's 1988 hit is a superb. i love the melody but the part that i like the most is his falsetto. his live performance was great.

besides i'm so impressed with jj's latest album cao cao. personally i like 只對你說 and 原來 . since the 1st album, he has improved so much, both in singing and looks as well, dont u agree?

i wasnt aware that there was this meet-fans-session in sg wang until pearly told me. she's a lucky girl- attend that and the promo tour at pgrm. the only regret she had is that wasnt being able to shake hands or take photos with him.

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ooh about the ranting, as usual, life's like that, but i swear, something bloody serious did happen this time. whether it is serious or not, it really depends how u view it. so if u dont know, dont guess.

oh, the results for psd scholarships was out few days ago. as expected, there were many complaints and disappointments, from both parents and students. u see, the same thing happens every year. let's not debate on who's who is more deserving (none of my bussiness anyway) but i would like to share something that caught my attention.

i saw this in a forum, a rejected applicant posted his details ie his excellent achievements, guess what, his parents earn abt 12k a month! ok perhaps that's not much considering he wants to do medic overseas.

but that made me keep thinking, whether scholarships have gone astray from its original purpose, which is to help those who are brilliant but poor? i know scholarships should be awarded to those who high achievers and all rounders but shouldnt it be a financial aid to those who really need it? there are some with very good results got rejected which some, whose parents are dato and so on got it. cant they afford to give their children a decent education? perhaps what they want is just glamour?

no psd, go to form6. reminds me of what i go through though i know i'm not qualified for it. form6- reminds me of alot of things too. haha. wanted to pay a visit to teachers in school, i'm really thankful to some of the teachers who are really dedicated to their job.

another scenario, imagine that u got into the uni/college and taking the course which u like so much. isnt that a very good reason to celebrate? but when ur worst nightmare come true, someone whom u dislike so much turns out to be ur coursemate, how do u feel? that scares me, at least i still can keep my fingers crossed with wont happen, unlike my friend who isnt so lucky.

enough of crap. i should be sleeping by now.

trust issues come back to haunt me. i often ask myself- how much i trust my friends? and vice versa.

when i repeated the same mistake again, i felt guilty. though i promised to be a fair person, i must admit, at times i am quite biased.

i felt that i have been pushed to the limit where i have absolutely no choice at all-dead end. it sounds exagerrated, yeah it is. in short, i'm too stressed.

to that friend, sorry from the bottom of my heart. i wont claim i'm totally innocent or being irresponsible. however, i wish u can see things from my point of view too.

a friend in need is a friend indeed. the series of unfortunate incidents is more like a blessing in disguise. without them, i wouldnt have figure out who will be there for me, when i need friends the most.

sometimes, what one needs is just a good listener. dont u think so? yet many of us failed to realise that, or worse- dont bother to do so or cant resist that on9 game or juicy gossips are much more interesting?

they didnt help much other than being a listener and giving advices.i understand they cant do anything over the split milk. i appreciate their effort and time spent on me.

there are some who are insensitive. yet, they accused others of being too sensitive. what's lack here would be tolerance and understanding. we are blessed with brains that made us the most advanced species, and how funny to know that some cant even distinguish between right or wrong.

having a friend to talk all night long is such a pleasant experience. he had been such a wonderful friend, minus the arguements, missunderstandings, which i deem as normal. we shared so much all life that none of us realised time passed so fast.

everyone knows there's no turning back in life. how i wish i can just press the button "undo" and everything back to square one. i still have nightmares. some mistakes in the past still haunt me. i'm guilty.

perhaps in the future, i will be grateful. if not for these obstacles, i wouldnt grow up. when things just dont happen as i want it to be, i have learnt to move on. remember life goes on.

because of you

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

and lastly, because of you, i'm who i am today.