all this while i realise that i dont really have much friends. since i rarely socialize or meeting ppl, so i'm pretty much a loner most of the time.* being honest* and i thought, no, i was made to believe that i have at least few close friends. yet those who really stick with me through thick and thin is really few.

whenever i need someone to talk to, it really saddened me, to know there is absolutely nobody. ok i'm not really suprised, since i used to be a loner anyway. however, i put high hopes on my so-called-close friends, and what a letdown. this really makes me wonder where i stand?

perhaps i ought to be more understanding.
maybe it's really wrong timing. maybe they are just too busy.
or perhaps i should face the truth
maybe i'm just not worthwhile spending their precious time with.
i shouldnt assume and make them seem so bad
re-evaluate myself? i always do that.
nobody is perfect. to err is human.

since young, i was taught to avoid doing things which i didnt like others to do to me. well, i treat ppl the way i hope i will be treat by them.
i tend to think, if i'm nice to them, they'll be nice to me. something like newton law3?
the saying: a friend in need is a friend indeed. no doubt, difficult times are really good chances to see their true colors ie whether they really stand up for u or walk away just like that. that too, remind me that i must re-evaluate myself, my friends and the friendship.

from time to time, i need to see which way im going, what kind of ppl my friends turned into. certaintly, i dont blame them. ppl do change over time. i understand that very well.

it's unfair. whenever he needs my help, i'll be there for him, without a hesitation. however, whenever i need him, he'll be busy. just come up with tones of excuses, so that it wont make him look bad for not being able to accompany me.cool hor? i might seem irrational, but that's just how i feel.

"he" doesnt refer to just one in particular. "he" represents many type of ppl arnd us.

friendship involves give and take, from and to both sides. when it comes to a point where just one side giving, and the other one just receiving, something must have went wrong. selfish. that's how i would describe someone who always ask for favour from others while he himself never do anything in return.

and i understand, i cant be too calculative. but, who likes to know that one is being taken advantage of all the time?

saw this at someone's blog and it's damn true.
friends...we must learn to "exploit" them before they "exploit" us. frienship is merely a transaction between 2 ppl, so that they can make use of each other, in a "morally-legal" way.

face it, life's like that.

i love my friens. i appreciate our friendships. that's from the bottom of my heart.